Didn't know how lost I was until I found You
by RemyDico5
Summary: Rachel has just graduated college and is having trouble making it on Broadway. But she's about to get a little help from Jesse, who had already made a name for himself in LA. How can she play opposite the boy who broke her heart six years ago? COMPLETED!
1. Honey, I'm the Greatest Star

Rachel had expected to achieve great things once she got out of Lima. Even though she hadn't been voted "Most Likely To Succeed" at her High School, in her mind she was. After her great grades and two consecutive National Glee Club Championships, it wasn't hard to get into Julliard, one of her top five schools.

But it didn't take long for her to realize she was really a small fish in a big pond, especially compared to how she was treated in Lima. Yet through her four years of college, she never gave up her dreams of making it on Broadway. She would star in a Broadway show and win at least two TONYS (like her hero Patti LuPone) and maybe even an Oscar (like her other hero Barbara Streisand)

She'd been going to auditions whenever she heard about them but had very little luck so far. Most of the casting directors said she wasn't pretty enough or just "didn't fit the part." But she didn't let it deter her at all. She had more ambition than was healthy and wasn't about to give up any time soon.

"Maybe you should think about getting a nose job." Gilda (Actually named Ashley but had changed it to stand out more) suggested.

"No way." Rachel said with conviction as she flopped down on her bed. Their New York apartment was small, hardly big enough for two people. Gilda didn't come from a wealthy family so she worked at Starbucks to help pay the rent. Rachel got money from her fathers but didn't like depending on them so much. She wanted to be more independent now that she was out of college. Although, until she found a job, she was glad for the money.

"Barbara Streisand never got a nose job." She reminded her roommate. "When Fred Astaire tried to get into show business, they said he couldn't sing or act and was balding but could dance a little. And look where he ended up!"

"Rachel, both of your examples became famous a long time ago. Times have changed. As a society, we are much more shallow. That and, you can't dance like Fred Astaire." Gilda reasoned as she got dressed for work.

"It's all a matter of finding the right part." Rachel said rolling over onto her back. She stared up at the gold stars she had taped to the ceiling above her bed. "It's all about the stars aligning."

"That's very poetic." Gilda said with a roll of her eyes. "Maybe the stars will align for me so I can stop making Mochas and lattes."

"Maybe." Rachel replied wistfully, keeping her eye on the star.

XXX

A few months later, Rachel had finished the workshop for a show she had landed a part in. It was a musical version of Bringing Up Baby, the old movie staring Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn. She had gotten the role of the stuffy fiancé and even though she was really only in two scenes, it was better than nothing.

The show was scheduled to start in three weeks off-Broadway. Hopefully after a few months they would move to Broadway. At least that's what she was praying for.

She practically skipped home, she was so elated. After so long, she had finally gotten her foot in the door. When she had first come to New York, she figured she would be discovered and the offers would come pouring in. She never thought it would take so long to get noticed.

She was turning onto her street when her phone rang. It was somewhat surprising. The only people that ever called her were Gilda and her fathers. Very few people had her number and she liked to keep it that way. She had too busy of a schedule to worry about relationships. Honestly, if she didn't live with Gilda, the two would probably rarely talk.

In a way, she felt bad for not keeping in touch with anyone from High School. New Directions had been a close-knit group of friends by the time they all graduated. But when Rachel left Lima for the big city, she left almost all of that life behind.

She dug through her purse attempting to locate her phone. Barbara was belting out 'People', her ringtone, as she struggled to find it among the chaos of her purse. She didn't like to leave the apartment unprepared so she kept most of her stage make-up and other things she would need right there with her.

"Hello?" she answered slightly out of breath from the anxiety of searching.

"Is this Rachel Berry?" a voice she didn't recognize asked.

"Yes…" she said with uncertainty.

"This is Michael Lyndon, I have your head-shot here and I think you'd be great for this part."

"Look pal," Rachel said sternly. "I have no interest in doing pornography."

The man on the phone burst out laughing uncontrollably. This only infuriated Rachel more. Who was this man and why had he called her out of the blue? It took the man a moment to calm down before speaking again.

"I'm not in the Porn Industry. I'm a casting director and I'm currently working on a revival of Oklahoma. Someone sent me your head-shot."

"Did you say Oklahoma?" she asked, ducking into a little candle store so she could hear better. The fumes were so strong it was giving her a headache.

"That's right." Michael answered.

"Where is it?" she asked excitedly.

"The Shubert Theater."

"What time do you want me there?"

"Is noon tomorrow good for you?" he asked.

"Noon's perfect." She said with a giant grin on her face.

XXX

Rachel walked onto the stage and felt her heart begin to race. It was a strange feeling, like this was her home. It was where she belonged. Oh, how she wished someone would turn the spotlight on and point it towards her. But since it was the middle of the day, there wasn't a need for a spotlight.

She took a deep breath and tried the concentrate on the lyrics to the audition song she had picked out. She had what she considered the perfect audition piece, If I Loved You from Carousel. It wasn't that Rogers and Hammerstein were particularly hard to sing, but she had to show she could pull of Laurey's range. And what better to sing when auditioning for a Rogers and Hammerstein musical than another song they'd written?

She flicked her hair off her shoulders and waited for the man named Michael to tell her what to do. There was a man sitting at the piano and Michael was sitting in the third row of the audience. She had no idea what they were waiting for but each passing moment was making her more and more impatient.

"Are we ready to get started?" a strangely familiar voice asked from off-stage. Rachel's breath caught as Jesse St. James strutted onto the stage. He stood near enough that Rachel could smell the mix of cologne and hair products but not too close.

"I believe we are." Michael called from the audience.

Jesse gave Rachel a quick glance before leaping off the stage with a grace she didn't think was possible. He went and sat down next to Michael and they both watched her expectantly. With this new arrival, Rachel felt her stomach start doing flips.

She hadn't seen Jesse since Regionals almost six years earlier. The years had been kind to him. His boyish locks were still in place and he seemed a bit more muscular than she remembered. But it was his face and his greenish-gray eyes that made the memories come flooding back. And just like that she felt as though an egg were running down her face.

"Whenever you're ready." Michael said encouragingly.

"What'll you be singing?" Jesse asked leaning forward in his chair, keenly interested.

"If I loved You from Carousel." Rachel responded, attempting the keep her voice level.

"Excellent." Jesse said leaning back with ease.

Rachel nodded at the pianist and waited while he played the intro. She opened her mouth to sing and willed her voice to be perfect. She had to be perfect if just this one time. Not just because HE was watching, but because this was the chance of a lifetime.

"_If I loved you, Time and again I would try to say All I'd want you to know." _ After she'd sung the first few lines, she got into her element and relaxed. The words came easily, she'd sung this song a million times before, and it started to come naturally.

She did her best to look anywhere but at Jesse but eventually she couldn't help herself. Watching him watch her gave her the strength to put more emotion into the song. She couldn't remember the last time she'd sang like that. By the time she finished the last note, she felt like she had sung her heart out.

"Great job." Michael said giving her a small round of applause. Rachel smiled and gave a small curtsy in response. "Now Jesse, why don't you jump up there with her."

"Sure thing." He said getting out of his seat.

"What?" Rachel asked confused.

"We're going to have you two do a scene together." Michael explained.

"Oh." She was unsure how to respond. As Jesse walked up the stage steps towards her, she felt her fingers curl into a fist to the point where her nails were digging into her hand.

"Why don't we do the proposal scene?" Michael suggested. "The scripts are right there on the stage."

Jesse bent down and picked them up. He slowly handed one to Rachel and their fingers touched as she grabbed it out of his hands. Her actions made him smile and she hated him for it.

"Start on page 143, 'I want to See Curly'." Michael directed them.

They both flipped through until they found the right page. Rachel read the stage direction and Laurey was supposed to be crying in the scene. It was lucky she could turn on tears without any trouble.

"I want to see Curly awful bad, I gotta see him." She said, the tears rolling effortlessly down her cheeks.

"Why don't you turn around and look you crazy woman." Jesse said reading his lines.

"Oh Curly." She said dramatically. The stage direction called for them to hug, but she was not about to let that happen. She kept reading down and was mortified to find they were meant to kiss a few moments later in the scene. Well if she wasn't going to hug him, she sure as hell wasn't about to let him kiss her.

"What on earth is ailing the belle of Claremore? Well, by gum, if you ain't cryin'." He read. Rachel had to admit, his acting was impressive. He almost seemed concerned for her.

They continued on with the scene and Rachel got more and more concerned with what to do when they happened upon the kissing scene. Before she had time to figure out a plan, they were there.

"Well, here. I'll show ya." He said, holding out his hand to her. That was it, the moment she'd been dreading. She knew when she took his hand, he would pull her into a kiss. But if she didn't do it, would she sacrifice getting the job? She looked out at the audience and Michael was watching them, waiting for the kiss to happen.

"Just take it." Jesse whispered. Rachel did as he said and laced her fingers through his. He pulled her to him and stopped when their faces were almost touching. His eyes bore into hers until she couldn't take it anymore. She closed her eyes and waited for it to happen.

When his lips met hers, she felt a tingle go through her whole body. Kissing him had never been like this. She tried to convince herself that it was just the thrill of being at the Shubert Theater, auditioning for one of her dream roles. It had nothing to do with HIM.

He pulled away and Rachel forgot they were supposed to be doing a scene. She searched desperately for her place but her eyes were blurry from the tears and from having them closed for the kiss.

"I think we're good." Michael said interrupting her frantic search. "We'll be in touch."

"Thank you." Rachel said smiling at him and giving him a small nod. She turned her attention to Jesse. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted when Rachel tossed her script back to where it had been. Without a word to him, she turned on her heel and left.


	2. If I didn't Love You

Jesse whistled a little bit of 'Oh What A Beautiful Morning' as he made his way down the street. The loud city streets drowned it out, but he enjoyed doing it anyway. He liked to think that at least the people he walked past could hear. Maybe it would even brighten their day.

As he pushed past the throngs of people, his thoughts turned to Rachel. She'd been mad but he was expecting that. It was the kind of thing that happened once a conflict went unresolved for years. For him, the egging was a distant memory, hazy among the others of his High School years. So much had happened since then, he didn't really have time to dwell on his past indiscretions.

Rachel looked good, that was something he wasn't expecting. She was looking more and more like her mother every day, an eerie thought considering his closeness to Shelby. Not that they'd ever had sex, but they came pretty close, or at least they had in Jesse's mind. Once Shelby had started on the whole wanting a baby thing, something she never seemed to shut up about until she got Beth, he was positive she had thought about him as a donor. After all, who wouldn't want little St. James's? If they had even a fraction of Jesse's talent, they would make it far in life.

Shelby had confided a lot in him, especially those last few months before Regionals. Since he was the only one who knew her dark, sordid past, she really had very few options. Having a flare for the dramatic (just like Rachel) she loved to call him late at night and ask him if she'd made a mistake. If she should have tried harder to reconnect with Rachel. Most of these calls were made while intoxicated, on red wine, which he knew Shelby enjoyed drinking.

But he'd assure her that Rachel was strong and would be fine without her. "She's already become the person she's going to be." He'd assure her. Shelby would grunt something as a reply. And he honestly thought it to be true. That was until Shelby told him of Rachel's request that Shelby come teach at Mckinley. It seemed so out of the blue. New Directions was fun in a haphazardly kind of way, but who would choose to go from coaching a winning team to coaching a losing team? If Jesse knew sports, he would come up with some football analogy but he didn't.

The only reason Vocal Adrenaline lost the last few years was because Shelby had quit to take care of Beth. Had she stayed, there was no doubt in his mind that vocal Adrenaline would have continued to win. Their new coach, some guy named Brian Ryan, cared more about jean jackets and tear-away clothes than perfection.

Jesse still liked to visit Shelby. Beth had just turned six and was already entering competitions. Although Beth had chosen the Beauty Pageant route, something Jesse had tried to sway her away from. Pageants were more about superficial things than real talent. But considering who her real parents were, he wasn't surprised.

It was his most recent visit to Shelby that had got him thinking about Rachel. He knew she hadn't made it on Broadway, he would have heard something. What was she doing with her time? He remembered that she was two years younger than him and would have just finished college. Not that he had let college slow him down. He'd been in six shows out in Los Angeles during his time at college. He was most proud of his portrayal of Pippin. He'd even met Broadway star Mandy Patinkin who had come to see the show. Mandy said Jesse's version of Corner of the Sky was one of the best he'd ever heard.

He couldn't understand what was taking Rachel so long to become a star. He'd found it fairly easy. But once he was approached about starring in a revival of Oklahoma, he instantly thought of Rachel to play his leading lady. So he'd given Michael her head-shot and asked if she could have a chance to audition.

And she had done well at the audition. She had honed her craft during college so that her technique was flawless. Hearing her sing reminded him of the old times when they used to duet in her bedroom and the neighbors would call and complain that they were being so loud. Jesse had been appalled that they didn't just sit back and enjoy the free concert they were given.

But even though Rachel was good, Michael was still on the fence about casting her. "No one knows her. Broadway isn't what it used to be, we need to get butts in the seats. No ones going to shell out money to come see little miss nobody."

"Michael, people know me. People know this show. It's a classic. Everybody who knows musical theater will know Oklahoma." Jesse argued.

"I still think we should cast someone a little more well known." He shrugged.

"Like who? Angela Lansbury? There are hardly any Broadway stars that are my age."

"What about Phoebe Strole? She did Spring Awakening a few years ago, she's been in movies. I think she could be a great Laurey. Why don't we give your friend Ado Annie or one of the other girls?" he suggested.

"Rachel Berry is not a comic relief. She's a leading lady. You had to have seen that at her audition." Jesse reasoned, continuing to fight for Rachel.

"Fine, I give up." Michael said throwing his hands into the air as a surrender. "It's obvious you're not going to stop until you get what you want. But I warn you, if this show closes after a week, it'll be on you."

"Fair enough." Jesse said to his back as he stomped away.

XXX

Jesse had to beg to be able to tell Rachel himself. Michael hadn't been too into the idea, grumbling about just wanting to get into her pants. Jesse had laughed it off, patting Michael in the back before heading off for Rachel's apartment.

He wasn't surprised to find it wasn't in a great neighborhood. But then again, not everyone could live on the Upper East Side. He got out of the cab and paid the driver who could barely speak English. He was standing next to a very old building that looked to be falling into disrepair. It stood next to an Italian bakery and a Laundromat.

With a sigh, he ascended the steps into the cockroach invested hell that was Rachel Berry's apartment building. The stairs squeaked as he made his way up to apartment five. He took a deep breath, ran his fingers through his hair and adjusted his jacket. Once he was ready, he knocked on the door.

A few seconds later, a girl he didn't recognize answered the door. "Can I help you?" she asked sounding annoyed.

"I'm Jesse St. James, I'm here to see Rachel." He said peering into the room, looking for her.

"She just ran downstairs to get some bagels. She should be back in a minute." She informed him.

"Alright, I'll come back." Jesse said turning to leave. In all honesty, he didn't want to spend another moment in that place. It made his skin crawl.

"She'll be back in a moment if you just want to wait." The girl offered. Jesse considered it. Better to wait than have to endure coming back.

"Very well." He said pushing past into the room. He could tell instantly what bed was Rachel's. It had a purple comforter, gold stars on the ceiling and musical posters covering the wall. As if that wasn't enough of a clue, her shoes lining the floor near the bed were a dead giveaway. There were tap shoes, jazz shoes, ballet shoes, even character shoes. He smiled at her perfectly they were organized. Even in such a terrible place, Rachel was able to find perfection.

"What is he doing here?" he heard someone ask behind him. He turned instantly to find Rachel standing in the doorway looking pissed, holding a bag of bagels.

She looked over at her roommate for an explanation but her roommate just shrugged. Rachel immediately put on a stoic face. She put the bagels on a dresser and strolled past him to her closet. He had no idea what she was looking for but the tension in the room made it feel really stuffy. The roommate obviously felt it too. "I think I'll give you two some privacy." She said heading for the door as quickly as possible.

"I'd like you to leave." Rachel said to her closet although Jesse knew it was directed at him.

"I have news." He said sitting down on her bed defiantly.

"I don't want to hear it." She turned towards him, her long, dark hair whipping around with her. "I want you to leave."

"Are you sure?" he asked playfully. He crossed his arms over his chest and moved further back onto her bed.

"Jesse." She wasn't about to play along. "Please."

"Fine." He said gliding off her bed. "I guess you don't care that you got the part."

"What?" her jaw dropped to the floor.

"You've been cast as Laurey. But I guess you don't care. It's fine we can get someone else. Maybe someone a little more well known, more established in the theater. Michael thought you were too much of a nobody anyway." He said taking a few strides towards the door. He smirked when he saw a dark blur out of the corner of his eye. Rachel had rushed over to block the door.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked using her petite frame as a blockade.

"About what?" he played dumb.

"Jesse, please be honest. Did I really get the part?" she begged.

"You did." He told her and her face lit up instantly. He was so glad to be the one to make her smile like that.

"Oh my God!" Rachel said covering her mouth with her hands and jumping up and down in excitement.

"Congratulations." He wanted to reach out and touch her but he didn't dare.

"Thank you so much!" she said throwing her arms around him. He took the opportunity and spun her around the tiny apartment.

He set her back down in the middle of the room, his head slightly dizzy. He wasn't sure if it was from the spinning or from Rachel. She looked up into his eyes and her face instantly dropped. Backing away from him, she seemed to remember that she hated him.

"Jesse." She said seriously. "I just want to make one thing clear."

"Ok…."

"My taking this part has nothing to do with you. It's just…the role of a lifetime and I need the work."

"Clearly." He said glancing around her apartment. She made a face that he had to struggle not to chuckle at. But she quickly got over it and finished what she had to say.

"This isn't a chance for us to reignite our High School flame. Do you understand?"

"Understood." He nodded.

"Then I'll take the part." She said holding out her hand for him to shake, like they were making a deal or something.

"Good." He said shaking it.

XXX

"I'm home." Jesse called out as he entered his apartment. His dog, Sweeney, came running up to him.

"Hi babe." Theresa called from the kitchen. "Where were you?"

"Just finishing up some stuff with the new show." He walked over and gave her a quick kiss. She smiled at him before petting Sweeney.

"I can't wait to see it." She said stirring the pasta sauce she was currently cooking over the stove.

"I'll be sure to get you a ticket." He said wrapping his arms around her. He moved the hair from her neck and pressed his lips against the exposed flesh.

"You'll make a great curly." She said putting her hand over his and squeezing it encouragingly.

"Thanks." He said pulling away.

"Where are you going?" she asked reaching her arm out to him.

"I'll be right back." He said blowing her a kiss.

Sweeney followed him into the bedroom. Jesse sat down on the bed and covered his face with his hands. He loved Theresa, they'd been together for two years. She'd come to the stage door in LA and asked him if he wanted to get a drink. He was attracted to her confidence so he'd said yes. They'd hit it off almost instantly and she'd moved to New York to be with him.

But then why had he pictured her hair being long and dark when he removed it from her neck? Theresa's hair was blond and wispy. He knew exactly whose hair he'd been imagining. Why the fuck was Rachel in his head?

Sweeney jumped on the bed and put his head down near Jesse's leg. He couldn't help smiling at the brown cocker spaniel as he scratched his ear. Sweeney was brown with curly fur. Theresa often joked that Jesse and the dog had the same hair.

Jesse laid down on the bed looked up at the ceiling. He could almost picture little gold stars decorating it if he lived with Rachel. He could get used to that, staring at the stars before drifting off to sleep. But it didn't matter because he and Rachel weren't together. They would never be together. He was with Theresa and she was perfect for him. And for all he knew, Rachel was still with the Frankenstein she'd liked back in High School? What was that kids name again?

Sweeney barked, pulling Jesse from his thoughts. He sat up and rubbed his face a few times trying to snap out of the funk Rachel had put him in. He took off his jacket and hung it up in the closet. He shook his head a few times, trying to erase the memory of Rachel and laughed at himself. He was twenty-three now, why was he acting like a love-struck teenager. Perhaps it was just something Rachel brought out of him.

"It smells good." He told Theresa as he came out of the bathroom.

"Thank you." She said smiling appreciatively. "It should be done in about five minutes."

"Sounds great."

He gave her a kiss, a longer one this time. He had no idea what he was trying to accomplish. Maybe if he kissed Theresa enough, he could get rid of the feel of Rachel's lips on his? But he wasn't sure anything could or ever would.


	3. I Won't Be The One To Let Go

"So that was Jesse." Gilda said knowingly once she arrived back at the apartment.

"I don't want to talk about it." Rachel answered evasively. Over their time together, Rachel had eventually spilled about her ex-boyfriends. The only reason she told was because Gilda was getting worried. Rachel didn't have very many boyfriends during college. She kept pretty busy during all four years. Besides her regular classes, she took several dance classes; she had her private vocal lessons, acting lessons and other things here and there. Gilda would be frustrated with having to go to parties by herself because Rachel was busy doing other things.

Finally Gilda broke down and said Rachel needed a boyfriend and make it her personal goal. The only way Rachel could call her off was by saying she had had a lot of boyfriends in High School. Gilda didn't believe her so Rachel was forced to go into detail about Jesse, Finn and Puck. So when Jesse showed at their door, Gilda knew exactly who he was and why Rachel hated him.

"Well at least tell me what he wanted!" Gilda said pressing on.

"I'm going to be on Broadway!" Rachel answered ecstatic. Even though she had to deal with Jesse, there was still some good to it.

"Seriously?" Gilda asked jumping off her bed.

"I'm playing Laurey in the revival of Oklahoma!" she yelled taking Gilda hands and together they jumped up and down and screamed. They kept it up until their downstairs neighbor started pounding on the ceiling.

"So what does Jesse have to do with it?"

"He's…sort of playing Curly." Rachel confessed sheepishly.

"What? Rachel you can't play the romantic lead to you ex-boyfriend." She reasoned.

"Why not? I told him right of the bat that we would NOT be getting back together. He said that was fine." She answered, keeping her resolve up. Maybe they would be friends; after he apologized for the horrible way he treated her, of course. She could see them becoming friends since they had so much in common. But under no circumstances was she about to get involved with Jesse St. James again.

XXX

Rachel couldn't help watching Jesse while he sang during rehearsals.

"_Don't praise my charm too much _

_Don't look so vain with me_

_Don't stand in the rain with me_

_People will say we're in love!_

_Don't take my arm too much_

_Don't keep your hand in mine_

_Your hand feels so grand in mine_

_People will say we're in love!_

_Don't dance all night with me_

_Till the stars fade from above._

_They'll see it's all right with me_

_People will say we're in love"_

He was mesmerizing and it was strange how much the song seemed to make sense for them. As he hit the final note, clear as a bell before letting his vibrato set it, the sound gave Rachel goosebumps. She'd forgotten how good they sounded singing together, even that first time in the music store, they had been pretty impressive.

She imagined what their lives could have been if he hadn't betrayed her. Maybe they would have tried the long distance thing or she might have looked closer to schools out in California. They were good together, that much was obvious. If only he hadn't broken her heart.

She scrunched her face up and tried desperately to hate him. It was easier when he wasn't singing, but it was still difficult. Even though she had liked Finn first, she considered Jesse her first love. She had given him her whole heart and he had stomped on it. Now she had to be extra careful not to get hurt again.

"That was great." Pete, the Musical Director said from the piano. "Why don't we take a break?"

"Ok." Rachel said walking over to the chair where she'd left her water bottle and her purse. She grabbed the water bottle and took a few small sips. She nodded towards Crystal, the girl playing Ado Annie. They'd talked a little during the last few rehearsals and Rachel thought she was nice enough. Rachel was relieved when Crystal sang for the first time. There was no doubt Rachel had a better voice and that gave her confidence.

In all honesty, she'd been talking to basically every member of the cast to keep from having to talk to Jesse. Unless she had to do a scene with him, she barely interacted with him at all. He liked to watch the guys perform and give advice. Some times she would catch herself staring at him and force herself to look away. She really hated herself for it and did her best to keep it under control.

"I knew you'd be great for this." Jesse said smugly, sitting in the seat next to her.

"Thank you…I guess." She was unsure how to respond.

"Hey, no problem." He said with a grin. "I told you I'd make all your dreams come true, didn't I?"

"Did you?" she said feigning indifference. She did actually vaguely remember him promising something like that. How strange that he would recall that six years later.

"I feel like we haven't had much of a chance to talk and catch up." He said moving his chair just a little closer to hers.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Rachel said biting her lip.

"Why not?" he asked frowning.

"Hey Jesse." Greg, the guy playing Will called from across the room.

"One minute." He called back, keeping his eyes fixated on Rachel's.

"You should go." She encouraged him. Letting out a sigh of relief the moment he was gone, she grabbed her stuff and headed towards the exit.

XXX

Rachel was half asleep when her phone rang, she reached for it quickly so it wouldn't wake Gilda. Pressing the button to silence the ringer, she glanced at the clock. It was 2:16 in the morning. Who could possibly be calling so late? When she looked at the caller ID and she was shocked that it read St. James. (When she went to put his number in her phone, she had started to write Jesse, but that felt too personal. So she'd just put his last name)

"Jesse?" she asked sitting up in her bed.

"I think we need to resolve some things." He whispered.

"Why are you being so quiet?" she asked getting out of bed and walking into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and sat on the edge of the bathtub with her legs crossed.

"Hold on." He said. She could hear him walking and a few doors closing. He seemed to be trying to ease them shut so they made as little noise as possible, but she could still hear them. There were also little footsteps too, like they were following him, and for a moment she worried he might have a child. A lot could happen in six years. Had he gotten some girl pregnant? Was he someone's father? He could be married for all she knew. She couldn't remember a wedding ring. What hand had she held?

She wanted to smack herself for obsessing over it. She had no interest in getting back together with him, so what did it matter. It would almost be better if he were married. Then she wouldn't have to worry about him coming onto her. They could just be friends, like she'd wanted. And then she heard a dog start barking.

"Sweeney, will you shut it?" Jesse whispered harshly to the dog. "If you shut up I'll give you a treat."

"Jesse?" she asked growing impatient. She tapped her fingernail against the sink, making a small clicking sound. If he took much longer, she was just going to hang up on him. Although she was too curious as to why he had called to really end the call.

"Sorry." He grumbled as she heard another door shut. "I can talk now."

"What do you want, St. James?" she asked trying out calling him by his last name. She wasn't sure she liked it. It sounded weird coming from her lips.

"How long are you going to be mad at me?" he asked bluntly.

"I'm not mad at you." She lied unconvincingly.

"Rachel, you're clearly still mad at me. You seem to have forgotten how well I used to know you."

"That was a long time ago." She argued, feeling very defensive.

"I know you're still amazingly dramatic. You'd be mad at me until the end of time if it suited you." He sighed.

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to get those eggs out of my hair? I had to take like, a million showers. And I tried to clean my outfit but eventually I had to throw it out." She said finally letting her anger boil over.

"What can I say Rachel? How can I fix it?" he sounded so sad and remorseful. She did her best to not let it go to her. She kept reminding herself that he was a very good actor. He probably didn't mean a word he said.

"You can't." she said with certainty.

"Ok." He said defeated. "Sorry for bothering you."

"Jesse, I—" she said quickly before he hung up. "Maybe you could apologize and slowly we could start to rebuild some kind of friendship."

"I'd prefer to do it in person." He said softly.

"I usually stop by the Starbucks near my apartment before heading to rehearsal, maybe I'll see you there?" she asker nervously.

"I'll see you there." He promised. It was a good thing she new better than to trust to promises of Jesse St. James. She would go to the coffee shop, but just to get her usual Chai Tea and a biscotti. If he wasn't there when she was, she wouldn't wait around for him. She was going to keep up her resolve, she would not fall for his charms.

"Good night Rachel." He said.

"Good night Jesse." She said back, smiling in spite of herself as she pressed end.


	4. The Way We Were

Jesse sat in the back of a cab practicing what he would say to Rachel. It was so important he get his lines right. Messing this up would mean she would never talk to him again. He couldn't have that. Seeing her the past few weeks had made him realize what a hole she'd left in his life.

He'd spent a lot of time thinking about what had happened in that parking lot. When he'd heard Andrea suggest it, he'd been mortified, it sounded so cruel. "I don't think that's a good idea. Don't you think that's sort of crossing the line? I mean Rachel is a vegan." He'd said, trying not to sound too invested but he couldn't let them do it. That's when Andrea pulled him aside.

"What is your problem Jesse? What, you spend a little time in losertown and now you want to move there permanently?" she asked, the rest of the group staring at them.

"No, I just think that's a little too harsh." He shrugged, pretending not to care.

"You didn't seem to have a problem when we egged that fat kid from Aural Intensity." She pointed out.

"It's different." He argued.

"Why? Because you're in love with this Berry girl?" she asked snidely, like it was impossible.

Did he love her? He had no idea. Was that what he was feeling? He'd had sex before but he knew he didn't love them it was just convenient. He always just found the girl who was most star-struck over him being Jesse St. James and paid a little attention to her. It was never long after that she'd be inviting him back to her house while her parents weren't home.

But Rachel was different. Unlike those other girls, he cared about her. He liked hearing her babble on about meaningless things. He liked making her smile. They could just sing together, it didn't have to be perfect (though it often was). So much of his time at Carmel High was put towards rehearsals that he'd hardly had a life outside of Vocal Adrenaline. At McKinley, they seemed to have loads of free time. Maybe he didn't love Rachel, it could have just been the first time he'd had the time to really get to know a girl.

Andrea frowned, worried that he wasn't answering her question. "Oh no." she cackled maliciously. "You're seriously in love with that animal sweater loving freak?"

"Don't talk about her that way." He hissed angrily.

"Pull it together, St. James." Andrea demanded. "I don't know what's going on with you but you're our leader Jesse. The team has been falling apart without you and frankly, everyone's been wondering why you transferred in the first place."

"I told you, I was spying for Shelby." He sighed impatiently.

"Then why didn't she tell the rest of us about it?" Andrea challenged, her hands on her hips.

"I don't know, take it up with Shelby." He countered irritated how she kept harping on his transfer to McKinley.

"Well the rest of the group thinks you're a traitor." She told him honestly. "Here's your chance to prove them wrong."

She slipped a large white egg into his palm and closed his fingers around it. "I don't think I can do this."

"Look, you want to win, don't you?"

"Of course." Like that was even a question.

"The only way we're going to is if we feel like a group again. Just close your eyes and do it, it'll be over before you know it. The team just needs to see that you're totally on our side and everything will go back to normal." She told him reassuringly.

_Just close your eyes and do it. _He kept repeating that to himself on the way over. The egg felt heavy in his hand as he grabbed it from the passenger seat. He would explain later, when the rest of them had left. He would stay and help her get the egg off. He would hold her while she cried and tell her how sorry he was for having to do it. She would forgive him, wouldn't she? He could let her do something equally rotten to him, even the score, so they could move past it.

They pulled into the McKinley school parking lot, one Range Rover after the other. When Jesse got out of his, Andrea reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. She searched through the contacts until she found Rachel, hit send, and before he could react she put the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" she said quietly. He did a sharp intake of breath, hearing her voice was more than he could handle. He couldn't go through with it, but everyone was watching him expectantly. Andrea nodded at him and he told Rachel to meet him in the parking lot.

"Good job." Andrea said hanging up the phone and tossing it to him. "Places everyone!" she called to the others as if they were starting a group number instead getting ready to torture some poor girl. The group scattered, hiding behind different cars while Jesse stood where he was.

"Now make it convincing." Andrea coached him. "She has to think you're here to talk to her."

"I know what to do." He responded bitterly.

"Then do it." She said narrowing her eyes at him. "We're all counting on you Jesse. Show us that you're one of us again. If not, go join the losing team."

This was just an acting exercise. That's all Rachel had ever been. He'd just gone method and got caught up in his character. Egging Rachel was the next logical step for his character if he wanted to win. He had to sever all ties with New Directions and get back to being a VA member. He didn't belong with Rachel and her group. He wasn't a misfit or a jock trying to impress some girl he'd impregnated. He was Jesse St. James, leader of Vocal Adrenaline. He was their star and stars had to make sacrifices.

Rachel was Fanny Brice, he was Nick Arnstein, they didn't end up together. That was how the story ended, it was how their story would end. Rachel would go on to love someone else and he would do whatever Nick did. He honestly couldn't remember. He'd only watched Funny Lady once and he hadn't been much of a fan. It just didn't have the same magic as the first one.

He noticed Rachel walking through the parking lot. _Play your part, Jesse, _he told himself. He raised his arm and waved to her. _Very Good. _She started to run to him. _You can do this, wait until someone else throws one and then close your eyes and chuck yours. Maybe you can miss her by just a few inches. No one would even know. _

The rest of the group came out of hiding and started pelting her with eggs. It all happened so quickly and all Jesse could do was look on at the horrifying scene he was a part of. He tried to throw his egg but his hand didn't seem connected to his brain. _Throw it you idiot!_ It was no use his hand was frozen. The rest of them had all thrown their eggs and were looking to him.

"Are you with us or not?" Andrea asked.

He lifted the egg and stared at it. This was all just a scene he had to play out. He took a few steps towards and stared into her big, dark eyes. She looked beautiful, even covered in eggs. The egg felt so heavy he wanted to drop it.

"Do it." She said looking at him. There was no more love in her eyes. _She'll never love me again, _he thought to himself. "Break it like you broke my heart."

"I loved you." He said cracking the egg on her head and letting it run down. What else could he say? It seemed poetic, something Jesse the character would say.

The worst part about it was that it was true. He had loved her. He wanted her to know that, she had to know that it wasn't all a lie. Would she even believe him? It didn't matter anymore, he'd chosen his side and that was how their story ended. Their hearts were like the eggs, broken and scattered on the ground.

XXX

Jesse was nervous as he arrived at the Starbucks closest to Rachel house, or the one he assumed was closest. There were so many fucking Starbucks it was hard to tell. He was still working on his apology when he opened the door. He saw her dark, silky hair instantly sitting at a table. She was reading The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux, a coffee cup in front of her and her giant rehearsal bag hanging off the end of her chair.

She'd grown out of the animal sweaters and knee socks, even though she still wore the short skirts on occasion. Now she wore jeans, nice blouses and sundresses. Though for dance rehearsals she wore Capri sweatpants and her Glee 2012 National Championship t-shirt. He liked that she still seemed so proud of everything the Glee club had accomplished.

He walked to the counter and ordered a large black coffee. With the hot, steaming mug in his hand, he walked over to Rachel's table and without an invitation sat down across from her. The noise made her glance up from her book and she set it down on the table.

"Oh Jesse, when did you get here?" she asked sitting up a little straighter in her chair.

Jesse grinned and took a sip of his coffee. She could pretend to be uninterested in him, he knew better. She was giving him a chance, wasn't she? If she truly hated him, she wouldn't be there. Her presence gave him hope and his mind ran wild with it.

"Just now." He answered, sitting his cup down on the table.

"Well…?" she asked waiting for what they'd come for.

"Rachel." He said moving his chair in and putting his face closer to hers. "I know six years is a lot of time to wait for an apology. I wish I had gotten a chance back then to explain but I'll just have to settle for doing it now. I was star-struck and obsessed with winning. For years, perfection was drilled into my head with Vocal Adrenaline. It wasn't until I met you that I learned the joy of singing. But I was still a VA member at heart and I have this need, this hunger to win. It's part of who I am. I sincerely never meant to hurt you and I'm so sorry it happened."

She stared at him, waiting to see if there was more. He could see the doubt flickering over her eyes. He had to be clear, he had to make her understand that he meant it. He reached over the table, took her hand in his and stared into her eyes. "Rachel, I am so truly, deeply sorry that I egged you."

"And broke my heart." She reminded him.

"And broke your heart." He repeated.

She continued to stare at him for a minute before sighed and looked down at the table. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing until she spoke. "I forgive you."

"Thank you." He said reaching over and moving her hair behind her ear, his thumb stroking her cheek just like he used to. This felt normal, natural, instinctive. He wanted to kiss her, his brain was shouting at him to kiss her. All he had to do was lean over the table…

"We're not going to kiss." She said like she could read his thoughts. Gently, she placed her hand over his and removed it from her face. Her hair fell back onto her face. He was relieved that she held onto both his hands. At least he could still touch her. "Now we can be friends."

"Friends." He agreed as she pulled her hands away.

"We better go or we'll be late." She said grabbing her giant bag and lifting it onto her shoulder.

"Let me." He said taking it from her. She started to argue but he put up his hand to stop her. "Friends can carry each others bags, especially if they're heavy."

"Fine." She said grabbing her book and tea.

"God, what do you have in here, bricks?" he asked readjusting the bag.

"I like to be prepared." She shrugged.

"Let's see." He said putting it down on a bench and opening it up.

"Jesse!" she yelled as ran over and tried to push him away. He laughed and planted his feet so she couldn't. She finally got frustrated and gave up. She stood next to him, arms crossed over her chest.

"Tap shoes, character shoes, ballet shoes…"he said listing off the contents of her bag.

"It's all stuff I need." She argued.

"You need a jar of your baby teeth?" he asked pulling them out raising an eyebrow.

"I—I…" she stammered.

"You need a playbill from Wicked? What do you think, someone's going to quiz you on the actors?" he chuckled at his joke.

"I like to keep it with me." She said defensively.

"It's official." He said zipping her bag back up and slinging it over his shoulder. "You're insane."

"I am not!" she said smacking his arm playfully.

"I think you have to be a little insane to be on Broadway. I mean to put in the hours we do."

He started down the street and she fell into step next to him. "And dedicated." She added.

"That too." He nodded, smiling at her.


	5. It Had To Be You

"We SO would have won." Jesse said contradicting the statement Rachel had just made.

"There's no way." She said shaking her head. They were sitting across from each other on the stage, stretching for the ballet sequence.

"There is no way New Directions would have beat Vocal Adrenaline while I was still the star." Jesse said matter-of-factly, bringing his head to his feet.

"We beat Vocal Adrenaline two years in a row." Rachel pointed out.

"That was with Shelby and I gone." He said simply

"You can't _know _you would beat us." She said rolling her eyes at his cockiness.

He moved closer, putting his face just inches from hers. "Oh, but I can." He said wiggling his eyebrows, making Rachel giggle. "Look, had you and I been in the same grade in High School and we had competed against each other every year, Vocal Adrenaline would have won."

"How exactly?" she asked frustrated with his stubbornness.

"We were more polished in every aspect. Sure, with New Directions the vocals were there but your dancing left something to be desired. If you could even call that dancing. Moving around the stage and clapping your hands does not count as choreography."

"That wasn't all we did!" she replied indignantly.

"I'm not criticizing you, just New Directions as a whole." He shrugged. "You really were the only true talent in that group."

Rachel tried not to let him compliment get to her head even though she'd often thought it herself. Back when she and Jesse were dating, she used to daydream about them singing at Regionals. She'd picture them being so good, the judges would be so blown away they would have to pick New Directions to win. That dream was shattered pretty quickly though.

"There were other talented people in our group. Mercedes, Artie, Noah, Tina…"

"What about that guy you liked, what was his name again?" he asked struggling to remember.

"Finn." She struggled to say his name.

"Right." He said staring at her with a weird look on his face. Rachel couldn't tell if it was curiosity about why she'd said Finn's name like that or anger from having to hear his name, or a mix of both. His face changed again and he looked somewhat disgusted. She wished she knew what he was thinking, he seemed to change emotions so fast.

"Finn—" his name came easier this time. "Was very talented."

"He was mediocre at best. He had no business being the male lead of your group." He said grabbing his red bull off the chair next to him and taking a giant gulp.

"Finn was talented." She said defensively.

"Yeah, maybe for McKinley. Finn never would have made it into Vocal Adrenaline. Then again we wouldn't have needed him so he would have kept to kicking his stupid football."

"Finn and I were very good together." She informed him indignantly.

"On stage?" he asked knowingly, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course." She said not about to go into her past relationships. "Our voices complimented each others."

"Hardly."

Jesse rolled his eyes before standing up to go and throw out his red bull can. Irritated, Rachel stood as well and followed him so they could finish their discussion. He wasn't there, he had no idea the group New Directions had turned into. He was too busy in Los Angeles.

"I personally felt that Finn was a fine vocal male lead." She said pointedly.

"Ok." He answered uninterested.

"No." Rachel stamped her foot like a five year old.

"No what?"

"You don't get to just stop the discussion."

"I'm in no mood to sit around arguing opinions since no facts can be presented on personal taste." He said heading back to the stage and she followed him yet again. "Finn was an ok singer but he couldn't dance. Hell, that wheelchair kid could keep better time than him. I'm merely saying he couldn't keep up with you and you could have done better."

"Like who, you?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest.

"Perhaps." He said smirking as he turned to face her. "I'm pretty much better than Finn in every way."

"Yeah right." She said shaking her head at the boldness of that statement. She'd always known he was self-assured but this was crazy. Finn was talented, especially considering he'd never had any training.

"Well, I can sing better, I can dance, I can act, I can play the piano, I can carry an entire song by myself and I don't lumber around the stage like a gorilla." He said listing them off while counting on his fingers.

"Finn can play the drums." She said still sticking up for him.

"That doesn't surprise me. Alright, so it's Jesse- six, Finn-one." He held up his pinky to show Finn's one point. "Still think I'm winning."

"Well I know one thing Finn has that you don't."

"And what's that?" he asked bemused. "Enlighten me."

"Heart. Finn had a lot of heart. He kept New Directions together several times when we could have fallen apart. And you could see it when he performed."

"Hooray for him." He responded, waving it off.

"Maybe we should talk about this anymore." She said after they were silent for a few moments. They'd just become friends again, there was no reason to fight. She just didn't like the way he talked down to New Directions.

The whole thing had started when he'd made fun of her Glee t-shirt. She'd had her fathers get them made after New Directions won. It had every member of the clubs name on the back with a gold star next to each. Rachel had designed them herself. She liked to wear it and be reminded of where she came from, a little school in Ohio that had been complete underdogs. She especially wanted to remember now that all her dreams were coming true.

"I think that's a good idea." Jesse concurred.

"It's just…" she trailed off, not knowing if she should share what she was about to say. Finally, she decided to. If Jesse and she were going to be friends, they had to start acting like friends. "I worked really hard to make New Directions great and it kind of hurts when you make fun of them."

"Sorry." He said putting his arm around her and giving her a small hug. "I'm overly critical, I can't help it. I'm sure you worked really hard and to be fair, I missed the last two years of New Directions so…"

"It's ok. We'll just make former Glee clubs off limits." She was a little disappointed when he removed his arm from around her, even though she told herself not to be. _Stop it, Berry. You don't like him. He is infuriating and he'll just break your heart. You're better off as friends, _she thought, giving herself advice. She couldn't get sucked in.

"Taboo." He agreed.

"Exactly." She nodded. "Although I think we would have won."

"Rachel…" he sighed, thinking she was starting the argument over again.

"No, I mean I think we would have won if you had stayed with New Directions your senior year." She clarified.

"Maybe." He said considering it.

"What do you mean maybe?" she asked, honestly surprised by his response. After his going on about how great he was, she figured he'd agree whole-heartedly.

"It's just that I heard Olivia Newton-John hated you guys. I don't know if I would have made all that much difference." He explained.

"She HATED us?" she asked, her jaw dropping. "I had no idea."

"Eh, apparently she's a bitch." He said attempting to be reassuring.

"I guess."

She was distracted, taking in this new information. What had they done to make Olivia Newton-John hate them so much? Rachel had been so proud of them that day, after they'd finished their Journey medley. She thought for sure they were going to win until she watched Vocal Adrenaline's number. Even though she felt vocally, New Directions was better; they couldn't keep up Vocal Adrenaline and their spectacle.

"Look, don't worry about it." He said taking her hand and giving it a slight squeeze. "It's all in the past, right?"

"Right." She nodded, trying to feel comforted but the feeling wouldn't come.

"Rachel." He said waving his other hand in front of her face. She blinked from the movement and looked over at him. "You have to stop obsessing. There's nothing you can do about it now. The best way to show Olivia Newton-John and all those judges they were wrong is to become a Broadway star and throw it in their faces, which you will."

He gave her hand another squeeze and she smiled at him. How did he know exactly the right words to say to make her feel better? Finn never did that. Most of the time when she told him her problems, he would hardly say anything encouraging and she would end up worrying for hours on end.

"I've missed you." She blurted out and instantly wished she could take them back. Why had she said that? She'd been thinking it but what had compelled her to say it out loud? She didn't want to let him know that, it could change their entire dynamic.

He chuckled a little and pulled her into a hug. She was hesitant for a moment but eventually gave in and hugged him back. "I've missed you too." He whispered.

She sighed in relief and enjoyed the feeling of his arms around her. Why couldn't they jus pick back up where they'd left off? If she was completely honest with herself, she wanted to, or at least a part of her did. The other part was telling her to give it time. She had to be reintroduced to Jesse before jumping into anything with him. It made sense to wait, let them be friends for awhile and then take it to the next step. But then why did her skin tingle as he held her and why was she saddened when he pulled away?

"Jesse." Someone called from the back of the theater. Rachel looked in the direction of the voice and saw a girl waving.

"Theresa?" he sounded surprised to see her. He effortlessly jumped off the stage and rushed to her.

Rachel watched them and wondered what was going on. Who was Theresa and why was she there at their rehearsal? Was she the understudy of someone? No, that couldn't be possible, Rachel would have seen her before. Maybe she was his agent or something like that?

She stood on the stage watching them talk. Jesse felt so far away, she wished she knew what they were talking about. Then maybe she would know how they knew each other.

But her heart sank when Jesse leaned in and kissed this mystery woman. They were together, Jesse had a girlfriend. It took Rachel a moment to process it. Why hadn't he shared this information earlier? She would have known…she wouldn't have thought…

She had no idea what to do. She felt so helpless, standing on the stage watching this nice little scene unfold. She wanted to run away, just grab her bag and leave. It would be so easy but her legs wouldn't move. She was mesmerized by the couple she knew nothing about.

They made their way to the stage holding hands and Rachel felt a panic rush over her. What would she say? Who was this person anyway? She couldn't be too important if Jesse hadn't felt the need to mention her. It was probably just a fling.

"So this is Rachel." Jesse said introducing her. "She's going to be playing Laurey."

"So nice to meet you." Theresa said smiling genuinely.

"This is my girlfriend Theresa." He said removing his hand from hers. Rachel took this as a good sign until he slipped his arm around Theresa's waist.

"It's nice to meet you." Rachel said politely.

"Jesse's told me all about the show. I'm excited to see it opening night." Theresa said looking around excitedly.

"I'm going to make sure you get the best seat in the house." He said kissing her temple.

"I've never missed an opening night." She informed Rachel.

"Hopefully we'll give you a good show." She answered looking from Theresa to Jesse. He had an apologetic look on his face but she tried to ignore it.

"I'm sure you will. My Jesse never disappoints." Theresa said looking at Jesse affectionately.

The words stung. MY Jesse, that's what she called him. And for a brief moment Rachel thought he was HER Jesse. But she had no claim over him. He belonged to this other girl.

"So how long have you two been together?" Rachel asked even though she didn't really want to know the answer.

_Please say less than six months_, she pleaded over and over.

"Two years." Theresa answered and Rachel did her best not to cringe. Two years, so they were serious. They probably lived together. They'd definitely slept together. How often had they…she couldn't think about it. All she knew was that she had to get out of there, fast.

"I'm sorry, I have to go. I forgot my roommate had plans for us tonight." She said gathering up her stuff.

"Aw, do you have to leave so soon? Jesse said you were practicing the ballet and I was looking forward to seeing you guys work on it." Theresa said frowning.

"Maybe next time." Rachel said pulling her bag over her shoulder and hurrying across the stage.

The tears came as soon as she had exited the theater. How could she have been so stupid? Why was she acting that way? She wasn't even sure how she felt about Jesse so why was she so upset? Her eyes stung as the hot tears came relentlessly. She tried her best to wipe them away but they just kept flowing down her cheeks.

She slid down the side of the building and sat down on the ground. Pulling her knees to her chest, she tried her best to get calm. She took deep breaths and tried her best to clear her mind of all thoughts of Jesse. Her breath was staggered and came in huge gasps. She did all she could to settle it into a natural rhythm but it was no use. She felt close to hysterics though she had a feeling she was already there.

When she had finally gotten some composure back she stood and headed home. Usually she hailed a cab or took the subway but this time she enjoyed the walk. She looked through her bag until she found her water bottle and took a few sips. It helped keep her steady so she continued to drink as she made her way to her apartment.

When she arrived home she dropped her bag on the floor and crawled into bed. She didn't even bother saying anything to Gilda. She just wanted to sleep forever and not have to worry about anything ever again. If the show weren't so important to her career, she would definitely quit.

"Rough day?" Gilda asked from her bed where she had been listening to her I-pod.

"He has a girlfriend!" Rachel yelled with helplessness. She grabbed her pillow and covered her face as she screamed into it.

"Jesse?" her friend asked trying to catch up.

Rachel nodded with the pillow still over her face.

"That sucks." Gilda said sympathetically.

"I feel like such an idiot." She said finally removing the pillow from her face.

"I'm sorry Rach." Gilda said leaving her bed and joining Rachel on hers. She hugged her as Rachel leaned against her and began to cry again.


	6. Tell Him

Jesse had no idea why but Rachel had gone back to being cold and indifferent to him. He didn't know what he could have possibly done to make her hate him again but there must have been something. Although he knew with Rachel it could be something small that she had blown out of proportion. Was it because he had made fun of Finn? Maybe she didn't like him picking on her ex-boyfriend or something.

And since Rachel wasn't talking, he had no idea what to do. She would ignore him during rehearsals and any time he tried to talk to her, she would say she had to be somewhere and excuse herself. Her behavior was bugging him because he had no idea what he'd done to deserve it.

"Rachel." He called out to her after rehearsal. She was heading to the exit as fast as she could and Jesse had to run to catch up to her.

"I can't talk right now." She said reaching for the door. He quickly put his hand up to stop it.

"Why not?" he challenged her.

"I have to get home." She said vaguely, trying to open the door again.

"I'll share a cab with you." He offered.

"That's not necessary."

"Will you please just talk to me?" he begged.

"I can't right now." She repeated.

"Just tell me what I did so I can fix it." Why wouldn't she just tell him?

"Look, I thought I was over the past but I'm not. I only forgave you so easily because I thought it would help our work relationship."

So it was about him teasing Finn. Maybe if he just apologized and promised to never mention Finn again, things would be fine. He was actually happy to never mention Finn or any of the people from New Directions ever again.

"If you wanted to improve our work relationship, isn't your behavior somewhat counterproductive? I mean why are you back to acting like you hate me?" he asked confused.

"Because I realized we can't be friends. I think it would be best if we just remained civil towards each other but don't talk as much." She said clinging to her script.

"What if I can't do that?" he asked still wondering why she was pushing him away. All of this because he made fun of Finn's dancing?

"You're going to have to." She said simply. She pulled on the door again and this time he let her go. He was irritated with her anyway. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that she was overreacting. He was only teasing and it wasn't like he'd said anything bad about HER. If fact he was positive he'd complimented her several times.

But he wasn't too worried. She'd get over it eventually, wouldn't she? They still had a month left of rehearsals and then who knew how long they'd be with the show. Everything had been going to well, why was she going out of her way to ruin it? He just couldn't understand her.

XXX

Jesse could sleep though he'd been trying for over an hour. Theresa had been asleep for awhile, gently breathing beside him. He tried to let her breathing relax him and let him drift off to sleep, like it had many other nights. But no matter how hard he tried, he sleep just wouldn't come.

He couldn't stop thinking about Rachel and how ridiculous she was being. They would never get through the next month acting that way. He couldn't do it and he refused to. Since he couldn't sleep anyway, he figured he might as well go see her and work things through. He would probably get killed walking though her neighborhood so late at night but he had to see her.

The moment he got out of bed, Sweeney lifted his head off his doggy bed and hurried over to where Jesse was standing. Sweeney waited patiently, his tail wagging excitedly, while Jesse got dressed. He put on a pair of black jeans and a v-neck t-shirt. He stopped to look at himself in the mirror and ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times until he was satisfied with how it looked.

He tried to ease the bedroom door shut with Sweeney inside but the cocker spaniel snuck through just in time. Jesse sighed and grabbed his shoes. Shoving them onto his feet, he went to the door with Sweeney right behind him.

"Stay." Jesse commanded him and Sweeney barked in response. "Shh!" he warned him but it only made Sweeney bark again.

"Fine. He said giving up. He grabbed the dog leash and attached it to Sweeney's collar. The dog ran in a circle ecstatic to be going outside. Jesse had to pull him through the door to get him to stop. But once they were on their way, he could hardly keep up with the canine.

The air was crisp and clear as they made their way to Rachel's apartment. Jesse noticed a few girls eyeing him from across the street and he couldn't help but smile to himself. Normally, he would stop to chat them up, especially with Sweeney who was a great with the ladies. But he was on a mission and he wouldn't allow himself to get distracted.

When they arrived at Rachel's, Sweeney went up the stairs without a moments pause. Jesse had to take the stairs two at a time just to hang on to the leash. Sweeney stopping in front of her apartment as if he knew exactly where they were headed all along.

Running his fingers through his hair one more time, Jesse gently knocked on the door. He shifted nervously from one foot to the other while he waited for her to answer the door. After a few moments he knocked again but louder.

_This is stupid, she's probably asleep,_ he thought, cursing himself for his idiotic plans. He was about to turn around and head home when the door opened.

"Jesse?" Rachel asked clearly surprised to see him.

"Hi." He said as Sweeney jumped up with his paws on Rachel's thighs. "Down."

He tugged on the leash but Sweeney didn't move easily. "He's just excited to meet someone new." He explained.

"He's sweet." Rachel said petting him. "What's his name?"

"Sweeney." He answered, knowing she'd get the reference. "He seems to like you."

"You're adorable." She said to the dog as she knelt down and let him lick her face.

"Can we come in?" he asked hopeful.

"I suppose." She replied, standing and opening the door wider for them to enter.

"I think we need to talk." He said tying Sweeney to one of the posts of Rachel's bed.

He turned around to face her only to step into her slap. Her hand slammed against his face and he could already feel it stinging. "What the hell?" he cried out angrily and somewhat shocked. He couldn't even remember the last time someone had hit him. "What was that for?"

"That was for…for…" she couldn't seem to finish. He searched her eyes for some kind of clue but all he saw was pain, like she was the one who had been slapped.

"For what?" he asked rubbing his face.

"For a lot of things." She answered, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Ok, can you explain to me what's going on? One minute you hate me, the next were friends and then your back to hating me. You're switching how you feel so fast I can hardly keep up. I don't even know what I did."

She tried to keep eye contact with him but eventually she dropped her gaze and stared down at the floor. "Why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know." He told her honestly. "I guess I was preoccupied trying to apologize so we could be friends again."

"But we've been rehearsing together for weeks. And on top of that you made me believe… I would think you would have the common courtesy to warn me that you had a girlfriend."

"Look I'm sorry. There just never seemed a good time to tell you." He said hating himself for pushing her away when it was the last thing he wanted.

"How can I trust you if you always seem to be hiding things from me?" she asked sounding exasperated.

He was trying to understand what Rachel was saying. Was she telling him she had feelings for him? Otherwise she wouldn't be so upset over him being with Theresa. Or was she just hurt that he hadn't mentioned it when Theresa was a big part of his life? Maybe she thought as a friend, he should have told her. She probably thought he was turning into the old Jesse who kept things from her and lied. But he didn't want to be that guy.

"You can't." he sighed, going for a last ditch attempt to get her to confess her feelings. "I guess there's still time to recast."

"Re-recast?" she asked confused.

"Well if you don't think you can work with me, I think we could find a new Laurey in time. That or your understudy Hannah is pretty good."

"You can't do that to me." She said, the corners of her mouth going down as if she was about to cry. It broke his heart but he had to know.

"Then can you work with me? And none of this cold shoulder crap, I mean we be nice to each other. I want things back the way they were."

"I can do that." She nodded.

"Ok. But first," he stepped closer to her. "Tell me there's nothing between us."

She looked up at him and he could see her thinking it over. He'd never felt so anxious in his life as the way he felt waiting for her answer. She didn't have to love him, he could get her there. He just had to know if there was a chance. Should he have a hope that Rachel and he were still possible or had they missed their chance.

"There's nothing between us." She said finally. He felt his heart shattering, all the hope leaving his body until he noticed that she had to glance away after the words had left her mouth. She was lying, he was sure of it.

Before he had time to think it through or she had time to move away, Jesse leaned down and kissed her. He was so relieved when she started to kiss him back.

"Tell me again." He said pulling away.

"There's nothing between us." Rachel repeated, sound less sure this time. He kissed her again, this time wrapping his arms around her.

"Again." He requested as his lips slid down to her throat. He kissed the place that helped make such a beautiful sound, the thing that had first brought them together.

She kept repeating the phrase, each time with less resolve. He lifted her and carried her over to the bed, his lips never leaving her skin. As he eased her down, she was still repeating the phrase but now it was like she was trying to tell herself more than him. She didn't stop until his mouth met hers again.

He continued to kiss her, enjoying the feelings that were rushing over him. God, he wanted her so bad and there she was, right in front of him. He could have her if he wanted. Did she want it as much as he did?

"Jesse." She said, her voice pleading. This was it, she was giving him the ok. His eyes searched hers for some flicker of doubt but there was none. After all that time, he was finally going to have sex with Rachel Berry.

Sweeney barked, interrupting the moment. He glanced at his dog and was instantly reminded of Theresa. Could he do that to her? He'd never really thought of himself as a cheater. Didn't Theresa deserve a clean break before he slept with someone else? He owed their relationship that much, didn't he.

But fuck, he didn't want to stop kissing Rachel. He didn't want to stop touching her. He wanted her, all of her and she was finally his. What difference did it make as long as he slept with Rachel with the intention of breaking up with Theresa? Their relationship was already over in his mind so why couldn't he be with Rachel?

"Jesse?" Rachel asked, pulling him from his thoughts. "What's wrong?"

"We should wait." He said easing off of her and standing up.

"What?" she asked baffled. "Why?"

"I can't sleep with you while I'm still with Theresa. It isn't fair to either of you, and I want to be. I won't mess this up again. I'm going to do right by you Rachel, I promise."

"You mean you're breaking up with Theresa?" she asked, her face hopeful.

"Yes." He nodded, walking over and kissing her again. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok." She said once the kiss had ended.

He untied Sweeney and together they headed for the door. His hand was on the knob and he was about to turn it when he remembered something. "Rachel." He said spinning back around to her.

"Yes?" she asked from her bed.

"I love you." He told her and felt instantly better. It was a million tons had been lifted off his chest. He didn't wait for her to say it back, he wasn't even sure if she would. But the smile playing on her lips told him everything he needed to know. He opened the door and he and Sweeney stepped out into the night. Now there was nothing left to do but go home and take a cold shower.


	7. Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

Rachel felt like she was walking on a cloud, she couldn't remember the last time she had been so happy. Everywhere she went she'd hum "I'm in love with A Wonderful Guy" from South Pacific. All she could ever seem to think about was Jesse and how incredible he was. Rachel had never had a guy break up with his girlfriend for her. And to give up a two year relationship meant a lot.

From the moment she knew Jesse was involved with her getting the part of Laurey, she had been suspicious of him. She figured the whole thing had been a big romantic gesture to try and win her back. At the beginning, when she still hated him, she was worried about what would happen between them. But now she was so glad that he had found her and they had reconnected.

As if that weren't enough, now she had actually made it to Broadway. She felt like she had finally found her place in the world. And now Jesse and she would dominate the Broadway stage, doing thousands of musicals together before they eventually would retire to some place like Hawaii or Nantucket.

She was sitting on her bed, humming her song when Gilda arrived home. She'd gone back to Pennsylvania to visit her family. It had been her sister's birthday so she'd wanted to go. Rachel had, of course, been invited along but she couldn't go because of rehearsals. She was so glad she hadn't because then she would have missed her late night meeting with Jesse.

"So what did I miss?" Gilda asked chucking her bag onto her bed and joining Rachel on hers.

"Um, not a lot." Rachel lied, trying to suppress a smile.

"Spill." Her friend said, knowing her well enough to know she was keeping something.

"Ok, so Jesse came over the other night and we talked."

"Was there kissing?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"Go on."

"And he said he's going to break up with his girlfriend! He's probably doing it as we speak!" Rachel told her, clapping her hands excitedly.

"That's great Rach." Gilda said unenthusiastically.

"What's wrong?" she asked confused. "You don't think he's going to dump her?"

"I don't know." Gilda answered honestly. "I just think you should be careful. I mean he's broken your heart before and he has been dating that girl for two years."

"He said he would break up with her." Rachel said certain that he would.

"If you say so." Her roommate shrugged. "Just be sure to protect yourself. Don't fall for him until he's available."

_Too late_, Rachel thought to herself. Where had Gilda been a very days ago when Rachel really needed all this advice? Instead she'd been alone dreaming and that was always dangerous. What if her friend was right and Jesse never dumped Theresa?

No, he would definitely break up with her. It wasn't like he was planning on having an affair with Rachel. If he'd wanted that, they would have made love the other night but he'd been the one to put a stop to it. That had to mean something, right? Why would he promise to end things with Theresa if he had no intention of doing it?

Her head felt fuzzy with all the thoughts swirling around. She wouldn't be able to think straight until she talked to Jesse. It was a good thing she had rehearsal in an hour or she would worry about it all day. She decided to get ready early and hopefully get a chance to talk to him before they started practicing.

XXX

She walked purposefully into rehearsal with one goal in mind, to find Jesse and sort everything out. She saw him on the stage talking to Greg and a few of the other guys and she headed over to him with determination. He was talking to Greg about his character's motivations when Rachel pushed through the group of guys to get to him.

"Jesse." She said tapping him on the shoulder. "I need to talk to you."

"Ok." He said nonchalantly. "I'll be right back."

Rachel walked into the wings without even glancing back to see if he was following her. They needed some privacy and the wings were dark and somewhat secluded. She stood near one of the side curtains and waited for him to join her.

"Jesse I—" she started to say but was interrupted by his kiss. He pressed her into the folds of the curtain, so that it enveloped them, and deepened the kiss.

"I've been thinking about doing that all day." He said smiling as he pulled away.

"I want to ask you—"

"Hold on." He said putting his fingers to his lips to tell her to be quiet. There were footsteps of someone walking right near them. They both held perfectly still and she realized their bodies were pressed together as they hid inside their curtain. She could feel the heat coming off his body and she had the strongest urge to reach out with her hand and touch him.

"Ok." He said once the footsteps are gone. "We're safe."

She was about to continue what she had been about to say when she felt him put his arms around her and pull her closer to him, as if that was even possible. She felt his breath on her neck, making her shiver with delight. Very softly, he began to sing in her ear.

"I_'ve got you under my skin_

_I've got you deep in the heart of me_

_So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me_

_I've got you under my skin_

_I've tried so not to give in_

_I've said to myself this affair never will go so well_

_But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know so well_

_That I've got you under my skin."_

She recognized the Frank Sinatra song and couldn't help but get weak in the knees as he sang just for her. When he had finished, he kissed her temple, her nose, her cheek before finding her lips again. "I could stand here and kiss you forever." He said gently stroking her hair. "I've had that song stuck in my head since that night at your apartment."

"That's sweet." She said starting to forget what had been so important. What had she come to ask him? Why was it so easy to get lost in his embrace?

Theresa. The name finally came back to her. She'd come to see if he had broken up with her. He was acting like he had but then if he had why did they need to make out in the shadows? Then she remembered she had somewhat picked the location when she'd walked off-stage.

"So have you broken up with Theresa yet?" she asked, wishing she had a more subtle way to ease it into the conversation. But she was too anxious to know, she couldn't worry about it now.

"Almost." He answered

"What?" she asked, putting her hands on his chest and slightly pushing him away. "What do you mean almost?"

"I'm going to, I just haven't yet."

"I can't believe this!" she said struggling to get out of the curtain. Jesse reached up and opened it for her but grabbed her hand before she could leave.

"I'm doing it tomorrow night, it's all set up. I'm going to make her dinner and then tell her. A two year relationship isn't something you just end so abruptly, you know?" he explained, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"So you're definitely going to end things with her?" she asked hopeful.

"Of course." He said pulling her back to him. "I told you I would, right?"

"Yes." She nodded, putting her head against his chest.

"We'll be together soon." He promised resting his chin on her head.

XXX

The next day was excruciating for Rachel. It took all her strength not to call him and see if he'd done it. She kept telling herself to relax, that he had promised. He was probably busy in the kitchen making whatever he was planning for dinner. It would be a long night for him, cooking and then the break up. Theresa would probably cry. Would she take her things with her, or would she come back for them?

It bothered Rachel how little she knew about their relationship. Did he sing to her? How had they met? Why had he fallen in love with her? How long after they started dating had they moved in together?

All the questions buzzing around her head were making her insane. She grabbed her Ipod, a bag of Hersey's Kisses and changed into her robe and slippers. Padding into the bathroom, she started the water in the bathtub and put the plug over the drain. She watched the bubbles swirl as she poured her sweet pea shower gel under the faucet.

She slipped out of her robe and looked at herself in the mirror that was beginning to fog. Reaching into the basket next to the sink, she pulled out a hair-tie and put her hair into a bun. With a last glance at herself, she turned and stepped into the steaming hot water.

The soundtrack to Wicked began from her headphones and she couldn't help but sing along. She loved the way her voice sounded off the tiled walls in the bathroom. The only time she stopped was to pop a chocolate in her mouth and let it melt.

She had just gotten to No Good Deed when she heard a knock on the door. She had been so preoccupied, she had forgotten about everything going on that night. Had Jesse finished breaking up with Theresa already? She figured he wouldn't even call her until the next day. But she had to admit she was glad he was there.

Pulling the plug on the bath, she quickly dried off and slid her robe back on. She considered changing into real clothes, yet if she was going to have a romantic evening with Jesse, it would be better if she was wearing as little clothes as possible. She really wanted to light some candles but the knocking on the door had become louder, almost urgent.

She flitted across the door and opened the door. "Oh." She gasped. It was all she could think of to say…


	8. Since I Don't Have You

The last time Jesse had sweat so much was when he had to do "Who's Got the Pain", the Mambo number in Damn Yankees. The choreographer had been insane, a really Bob Fosse wannabe. Jesse hadn't done such insane dance moves since Vocal Adrenaline. There had been one point in the number where they did high kicks then he'd do a toe-touch jump and then Maureen, the girl playing Lola would and they'd go back and forth until they finished with circling each other while doing attitude leaps across the stage.

But this time he was sweating for a whole other reason. Theresa was due home in an hour and he still had no idea what to say to her. How do you end a two year relationship as gently as possible? Would she cry? He was sure she would.

Fuck, his heart was beating so fast and it felt like it had relocated to his throat. He tried to calm himself down, wiping the sweat from his brow as he made Chicken Piccata. He kept taking sips of the white wine the recipe called for to help. And if was, somewhat, but he didn't want to get too drunk. He wasn't going to be a coward and take the easy way out, if he was going to do that he would already be hammered.

He actually seriously considered packing all of his stuff and leaving a note. But Theresa deserved more than that. He needed to handle things right, for once in his life he was going to do the right thing. He just couldn't believe he was about to break up with Theresa.

When they first started dating, he gave them six months before he got bored or something happened to break them up. After a year and a half, he thought Theresa was the one. Many times when they were together, he figured that was it, he'd found someone to spend the rest of his life with.

And then came Rachel like a bat out of hell and he just felt powerless against her. It was just so different from his relationship with Theresa. With Theresa, they felt like an old married couple with the great apartment and the dog. They had a natural rhythm that worked. But with Rachel he felt so alive, like anything could happen, and he hated himself for it. He felt like one of the middle-aged men having a life crisis, looking for someone to fix everything wrong with their lives.

That was why he was having such a hard time coming up with the perfect words to say to Theresa. He didn't like the idea of leaving her. Why did his life had to be such a fucking mess? Why did he have to choose between two such perfect girls?

Maybe this thing with Rachel wasn't even real. Their chemistry was undeniable but it was all so new and sudden. He knew what he had with Theresa was real. Was he really willing to give that up based on a hope that Rachel and he would work out?

All he knew was that he couldn't keep lying to Theresa. He would at least tell her about the few kisses Rachel and he had shared. If she still wanted to be with him after that, then he would make a choice.

When the food was done, he put the stove on simmer and went to set the table. Theresa had furnished their entire apartment with a little help from Jesse. She'd picked out the small dark Mahogany rectangular table, just perfect for two she'd said. He put a white table cloth down and two clean plates. He did everything meticulously, glad to have something he could control.

He had just finished the hot plate of chicken on the table when Theresa entered the apartment. "I'm home." She said setting down her purse and keys. She kicked off her heels and walked through their lavish apartment until she found him.

"Oh my God." She said glancing at the table. "You remembered!"

"Of course I did." He answered, having no clue what she was talking about.

"I kept waiting for you to mention our anniversary just to make plans. I had no idea you were planning on surprising me." She said walking over and giving him a hug.

"Yeah, I thought it was a good idea." He said hugging her back, feeling like even more of a jackass than before.

"Well let's eat before it gets cold." She said hurrying to her place at the table. "I'll give you your present afterwards."

"Can't wait." He said forcing a smile that she didn't seem to notice.

XXX

He was lying in bed with Theresa wrapped in his arms. She was slowly drifting off to sleep but was trying very hard to stay awake. "I thought this was a really great anniversary." She said sleepily.

"Me too." He said kissing her neck.

"Mm." she said snuggling her naked body closer to his. "Dinner was wonderful. I think I'll make you cook from now on."

"Only if you want take out most nights." He joked.

"Did you enjoy your present?" she asked turning around to face him.

"I did." He said tracing her delicate features.

"Will you sing me something?" she asked her eyes continuing to droop.

"Sure." He said quietly. He began to sing the first few lines of Wonderwall by Oasis but Theresa stopped him.

"No, sing our song." She requested, already half asleep.

"_You are the sunshine of my life_

_That's why I'll always be around,_

_You are the apple of my eye,_

_Forever you'll stay in my heart."_

He didn't even get through the first verse of their song, You are the Sunshine of My life by Stevie Wonder before Theresa was softly snoring away. As quietly as possible, Jesse snuck out of bed and got dressed. He stepped over the lingerie Theresa had bought, his anniversary gift, and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

_Shit, _he cursed himself. Apparently she wasn't as asleep as he had thought. He walked back over to the bed and crouched down so he was eyelevel with her. "I forgot to walk Sweeney. I'll be back soon."

"Ok." She said smiling in her dreamy state. He brushed the hair off her face and kissed her.

"Come on Sweeney." He called to his dog. The last thing he wanted was to get caught in his lie. But he had to see Rachel and tell her what had happened. She had to know that he had every intention of keeping his promise to her. But he couldn't break up with Theresa on their anniversary. That just felt too cruel.

He wondered how bad Rachel would hate him once she knew he was still dating Theresa. He figured she would probably murder him. At the very least he was expecting another slap. Maybe he should have brought an ice pack along just in case. But it was too late to turn back.

He felt like he might be sick as he made his way up to Rachel's apartment with Sweeney in tow. He hesitated before knocking, taking a deep breath before rapping his knuckles on the door. His heart felt heavy in his chest. What if the conversation he was about to have would change everything? Then again everything had been changed since the moment Rachel Berry waltzed back into his life. It was like a tornado had gone through what used to be his life, leaving a wonderful chaos in its wake.

He was expecting either Gilda or Rachel to answer the door. The last person he was expecting was Finn Hudson. The guy was towering off Jesse, making him feel tiny and insignificant. What the hell was he doing there? Had Rachel invited him?

"What the hell do you want?" Finn asked, narrowing his eyes at Jesse.

"Where's Rachel?" Jesse said with disdain.

"Hi." She said quietly, appearing in the doorway next to Finn.

"What is he doing here, Rachel?" Finn asked angrily.

"Could you give us a minute?" she asked the giant, ignoring his question.

"Fine." He answered, storming back into the apartment. Rachel eased the door shut once he was inside but kept her hand on the handle.

"You didn't tell me Finn was coming." He said accusingly.

"I didn't know. He heard about the show and came to surprise me."

She seemed sincere but he couldn't be sure. "I didn't know you two were still in touch."

"We're not. Well, I mean we talk on Myspace occasionally but I haven't heard from him in months." She said biting her lip nervously.

"Right." He nodded.

"Jesse." She said taking a few steps towards him. "I swear I had no idea he was coming to visit. He just showed up on my doorstep with a suitcase and a congratulations balloon."

"You don't owe me an explanation." He said coldly. "Let's go Sweeney."

"Wait." She said following him when he headed down the stairs. "Why did you come here tonight? Did you break up with Theresa?"

"No I didn't." he said turning back to her. He was so angry his hand was shaking. "And it's a good thing too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rachel asked puzzled.

"It means I'm glad I didn't give up a two year relationship for someone who still acts like she's in High School."

"What did I do?" she asked, the corners of her mouth turning down as she got close to tears.

"Nothing, I just think you're a little too immature for me. I need to be with a real woman and you have some growing up to do."

"Why are you acting this way?" she asked, wiping a tear away.

"Because I was willing to give up everything for you Rachel. I was going to end a two year relationship to be with you and what do I get in return? Your ex-boyfriend shows up and you just invite him in." he said infuriated. Had she really expected him to be fine with this?

"I told you he just showed up." She insisted.

"Why didn't you tell him to get a hotel room? I mean where is he going to sleep in your tiny ass apartment? In your bed? I have absolutely no idea what your relationship was like, hell for all I know you two are still together."

"We're not." She informed him, the tears continuing to flow.

"That doesn't change the fact that there's just six years missing that I have no clue about. I don't even really know you anymore and it was stupid for me to put my relationship with Theresa in jeopardy over someone I barely know."

"Jesse, you…I…" she stammered.

"You know what Rachel?" he said, his face stoic. "I'll see you in rehearsal. Enjoy your company and don't bother trying to get in touch with me."


	9. Come Back To Me

[Please Review, I love Reading Them! Thanks to everyone who already did]

"I still can't believe you're here." Rachel said, still in awe of the fact that Finn Hudson was in her apartment. She was lying on her stomach with her feet in the air. Finn was sitting on Gilda's bed, leafing through one of her Cosmos.

"Of course, I had to come the moment I heard about your giant success." He said smiling at her.

"Well it's not a success yet." She said sitting up and crossing her legs. "Well have to wait for the reviews to come out before we know that."

"You're a success back home. They even wrote an article about you in the local paper and everything. Everyone is so happy for you. A lot of the old Glee clubbers are planning on coming to see your show. I think Mr. Shue even bought tickets."

"Really?" Rachel asked, flattered. She'd done such a horrible job keeping in touch, she figured none of the old members of Glee would even care that she had made it to the Broadway stage.

"Yep." Finn nodded.

"I can't wait to see them." Rachel squealed and was surprised she really was excited for them to come see her. It would be nice to know what everyone had been doing with their time.

"I'm sure they'll be happy to see you too." Finn told her, ditching the Cosmo and joining her on the bed. "Although I don't know how happy anyone is going to be to see your co-star." Finn added bitterly.

"Jesse." She said, a lump in her throat. She tried desperately to swallow it but it stayed there, persistent and cruel.

"Rachel, tell me the truth, is something going on between the two of you?" he asked pointedly.

"No." she lied, hoping he wouldn't be able to tell.

"Rach, when a guy shows up at your house in the middle of the night, it's not because you're friends." Finn said knowingly. Sometimes Rachel hated how much he seemed to notice. A lot of people thought he wasn't that intelligent, but he could be very insightful when he wanted to be.

"Ok." She said sighing. "There may have been a time, very briefly, where I considered rekindling a relationship with Jesse. Unfortunately he was already attached to some blond haired harlot and I didn't want to compromise myself."

"I…don't know what half those words mean." He answered honestly.

"Yes, I thought about getting back together with him but he has a girlfriend that he's not going to break up with any time soon." She clarified. She was used to doing that with Finn.

"How could you even think about doing that after the way he treated you? After what he did?" he demanded.

"That was six years ago and he apologized. I was starting to think in some ways he had changed for the better but now I see he's still the same old Jesse." She sighed, glad to have someone to talk to. Gilda was currently staring in her pseudo-boyfriend's short film. Nick was a film student at NYU Gilda had met on the subway. She didn't really like to call him her actual boyfriend because she was embarrassed that she was three years older than him. But Gilda could squeeze an acting opportunity out of anything.

"So what are your plans for today?" Finn asked, changing the subject.

"I have rehearsal from noon to six." She answered, wondering what would happen when she saw Jesse again.

"Why don't I pick you up and you can show me some of the sights?" he offered. "I hear the Empire State Building is pretty cool."

"Sure." She said smiling at him. Finn had always been sweet to her and she was glad he was there. He made her feel comfortable and it was something she needed in her time of distress. But even Finn couldn't keep her from thinking about Jesse. Was he thinking about her too?

She figured he probably wasn't. He was most likely too busy with his wonderful life with Theresa. Well if he wasn't thinking of her, she wasn't going to waste her time thinking about him although she wasn't sure that was something she could control.

XXX

Rachel wished Finn had come with her to rehearsal but he had insisted on staying at her apartment. He wanted the show to be a total surprise when he came to see it so Rachel was on her own. She'd never been so terrified as she felt when entering the stage door. Without saying a word to anyone, she made her way to her dressing room.

She'd decorated modestly, just a chair and table from IKEA. She also had put up some pictures from her Mckinley days with the Glee club, some photos of her dads and a few other things. She had just recently gotten the dressing room as they started into tech and dress rehearsals and she was thankful for it. It gave her a place to think and get away from HIM.

As she stared at herself in her dressing room mirror, she couldn't help crying yet again. She was a little annoyed with Finn for messing everything up but she knew it wasn't really his fault. He was just trying to be supportive. But what would have happened with Jesse if Finn hadn't come? If he hadn't broken up with Theresa, why had he come to her apartment? It was driving her crazy, wondering what he had been planning to say.

She really wanted to talk to him, to make him understand that there were no left over feelings for Finn. Well, that wasn't completely true. As her first serious, long-term boyfriend, Finn would always have a place in her heart. But she had no interest in getting back together with him. She thought they worked better as friends anyway.

No, the real problem was between her and Jesse. Why couldn't anything come as easily to the pair as singing did? Were they doomed to keep missing their shot to be together until they both settled for someone else? It seemed Jesse was already on his way there so would Rachel eventually have to give up on their love and settle for Finn?

It was love, of course it was, she tried to convince herself. He had told her he loved he, hadn't he? That day, before he left her apartment, had he said the words or had Rachel just imagined them? Maybe she had just been longing to hear them so badly she had made it up.

He had definitely said he loved her, she was sure of it. And there had been no provocation for him to say it. She hadn't said it first. Why would he bother to say the words if he didn't mean them? No one had made him do it. So why was he acting like such a jerk if he loved her?

She just couldn't understand him even back when they dated in High School. One minute he would be really sweet to her and the next he would say something condescending or rude. At the time she'd been too love-struck to notice, but thinking back on it there had been times where he would baffle her. She still didn't know why the whole egging thing had happened other than he wanted to win. She imagined he had a lot of pressure from his teammates but it still bugged her that he hadn't explained it properly.

Not that it mattered much anymore. He'd made his decision and he wanted nothing to do with her. He'd decided to believe the worst about her instead of giving her a chance to explain. Well if he wasn't going to give her a chance, she wasn't going to wait around.

The worst part about it was that she knew they could be good together. If only he would give them a real chance. No ulterior motives, no girlfriends waiting back home. If they just could be together for real and true, she knew that would be it. They'd never have to look for love again.

There was a knock on the door and before Rachel had a chance to fix or prepare herself, the door opened. Gilda popped her head inside before the rest of her body followed. "So this is the dressing room, huh?" she asked closing the door behind her.

"This is it." Rachel answered trying to smile.

"Oh no." Gilda exclaimed, noticing Rachel's puffy, tear covered face and rushing over. "Is this about Jesse?"

All Rachel could do was nod in response as her friend hugged her. "So first Jesse, now Finn. It's a real blast from the past going on with you."

"Apparently." Rachel agreed.

"Are you ok?" she asked concerned.

"I'm not sure." She answered honestly.

"Well what are you and Finn going to do while he's here?"

"I'm taking him to the Empire State Building."

"That will be fun…right?" she asked trying to be optimistic.

"I suppose." Rachel shrugged, not sure if she was up for frivolity that night.

"You be sure to show Finn a good time." Gilda winked suggestively.

"You're awful." She laughed, shaking her head.

"Well I have a rehearsal of my own to get to. Lover boy is working me to death and I'm not just talking about his movie." She said practically skipping over to the door.

"So I guess you've gotten over the fact that he's only nineteen?" she asked, wondering how her friend managed to lighten almost any situation.

"Definitely. Let's just say he's proved his self-worth. Then again that Finn is a cutie. If you don't want him, feel free to send him my way." She said blowing Rachel a kiss before making her big exit.

Rachel couldn't help but laugh at the promiscuous behavior of her roommate. Whenever Gilda talked about her conquests, Rachel was always reminded of those old Marilyn Monroe movies where Marilyn oozes sex-appeal yet pretends she is oh so innocent. Rachel had never wished her life was like an old movie before but now she was starting to see the allure. She'd always wanted her life to be like Cinderella. A girl overcomes obstacles, wins the prince's heart and lives happily ever after. Yet, she could seem to get past the obstacles part.

XXX

Luckily that day of rehearsals Rachel hadn't seen Jesse too much. He was too busy rehearsing "Poor Jud is Dead" and she was working on "Many a New Day" with the other girls in the cast. The song felt appropriate, since it was all about Laurey not caring that Curly was flirting with another girl. Rachel decided to take the optimistic message of song to heart and have a good time with Finn that evening.

Rachel hadn't been to the Empire State Building since she was a little girl. Her fathers had taken her to the city to see Cats and they had been sure to stop by the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. Even with her living in New York all those years, she'd never found the time to come back. But she remembered how she felt standing on the observation deck, looking at the city and it's night life continue on down below. She knew at that moment she would be a part of it, be one of those people down there walking along Fifth Avenue.

She and Finn talked about what they'd been doing the last few years. It wasn't as awkward seeing him again as she'd thought it would be. Their break up had been somewhat rushed especially considering how long they had dated. But after graduation, neither of them seemed to want to talk about what would happen after the summer ended and Rachel went off to NYC. Finn had stayed in Lima, going to the local university.

They'd had a short, sweet farewell. Finn had come over for dinner the night before she left and then they'd gone for a walk together to say their goodbyes. He'd asked her if she thought they could make it work and she'd answered an honest no. He'd seemed disappointed but he didn't press the matter and Rachel was grateful for that.

But now they seemed natural around each other. They were just friends and they were fine that way, there was no pressure to be more. Rachel had gotten over her school-girl crush and no longer pined for him. She didn't ask him if he was seeing someone because she didn't want him to take it the wrong way. She wouldn't be asking for hope that he was single, she would just be asking. So she felt it was best to leave that subject alone unless he felt the need to bring it up.

The lines weren't too long, it being a weekday and they got into the elevator to the top fairly quickly. They stood together on the observation desk, staring over the edge at all the people hurrying along with their lives, looking like tiny ants from where they were.

She turned her head to say something to Finn but stopped when she saw a curly headed boy and a blond haired girl walking together about ten feet from where she was standing. She wasn't sure if it was them, but just the fact that it could be was sending her into a panic. What was she going to do if it ended up being Jesse and Theresa?

"What are you staring at?" Finn inquired, trying to follow her gaze. "Is that Jesse?" he asked confirming her suspicions.

"I think so." She said attempting to remain calm.

The couple turned and she saw without a doubt that it was Jesse and Theresa. He had his arm around her, her hand reaching up to hold his. It was a cute scene and Rachel would have been envious of them even if it hadn't been Jesse and his girlfriend. He was staring at Theresa, laughing at something she'd whispered to him.

"Come here." Finn said taking her hand. She was so thankful in that moment for Finn and that he seemed to know exactly what to do.

"Rachel?" Theresa called out, waving to her with her free hand. She pulled Jesse over and he looked as uncomfortable as Rachel felt. "I thought that was you."

Theresa smiled at both of them and Rachel hated that she was so nice. "Hi Theresa." She said smiling back politely.

Finn held onto her hand tightly and she wondered if he was doing it for her or for himself. She had no idea what Finn's intentions were. Was he trying to get back together with her or was he just trying to help her out as a friend?

She caught Jesse staring at their entwined hands and his brow was furrowed angrily. Rachel was glad it was getting a rise out of him, it served him right for the way he'd treated her. She considered it payback for him storming out of her apartment and not listening to reason. She hoped he stayed up all night in agony thinking he'd lost her yet again.

"And who is this?" Theresa asked turning her attention to Finn.

"Finn Hudson." He introduced himself.

The two of them began talking and Rachel took the opportunity to glance at Jesse. He was staring at her, his lips tight and pressed together like he was trying really hard not to say anything. She saw a weird look on his face but it was gone within seconds, had she blinked she would have missed it. But she knew the look that had just passed over his face, it was longing and it made Rachel ecstatic. He still wanted her and he was suffering. It made her almost giddy.

"I'll be right back." Jesse announced, interrupting Theresa and Finn's conversation.

"Where are you going?" she asked as he removed his arm from around her.

"I just need to make a quick phone call. You continue with your conversation." He said kissing her temple.

"Ok." She said letting him go.

Did he really have to make a phone call or was he trying to get away so he and Rachel could talk? Was she supposed to come up with an excuse to slip away and go meet him? Not that she wanted to. She was still mad at him for calling her immature. She thought she was very mature and had handled him having a girlfriend really well.

"I'm going to go see if I can find the Chrysler building." She said releasing her hand from Finn's.

"I can come with you." He offered.

"No, it's fine. I'll only be a minute." She said backing away slowly. Finn watched her for a moment and then turned his attention back to Theresa.

Rachel walked around the observation deck looking for Jesse. Maybe he had just wanted to make a phone call and it was just wishful thinking on her part. But then she felt someone grab her hand and pull her into the shadows.

"Jesse." She said quietly, her heart racing in spite of herself.

"Hi." He said resting his forehead against hers. "I wasn't sure if you'd come."

"Did you want something?" she asked trying desperately not to give in too easily. He had made her cry several times since he'd come back into her life and it would take more than a romantic moment in the shadows for her to forgive him.

"I'm sorry about what I said the other night. I didn't mean them, I guess seeing Finn again just caused all these old memories to come flooding back and brought out the worst in me."

"Jesse, I can't keep doing this. It hurts too much with all this back and forth, going from hating each other to loving each other and back again. It's like playing emotional tennis and it's exhausting." She confessed.

"I understand, I'm just having a really hard time letting you go." He sighed, pulling away from her. She grabbed his hand to make him stay.

"Then don't let me go." She pleaded. She bit her bottom lip and pondered if it was wise to tell him the truth. But she knew she had to. "Jesse, I want to be with you."

"What about Finn?" he asked eyeing her suspiciously.

"I told you we're just friends."

"It looked like more than that." He said accusingly.

"He was just trying to help me out." She explained. "He noticed how upset I got when I saw you and Theresa so he took my hand."

"I don't know Rachel. I don't want to hurt Theresa." He said hesitant.

"Jesse, do you want to be with me?" she asked, being direct.

He thought it over for a moment, making her nervous. "Yes." He answered finally. "God help me, I do want to be with you."

He leaned in and kissed her, gentle at first and then his lips became more urgent. Her whole body started to shake with anticipation as he held her close. For a brief moment she thought about letting him make love to her right there on top of the Empire State Building with their semi-dates just around the corner. She couldn't believe such a scandalous thought had crept up into her brain. She was shocked at herself, she'd never had such slutty tendencies before. What was Jesse turning her into and why did she like it?

"No." she said getting her sense back and pushing him away. "We're not going to do this."

"Do what?" he asked puzzled and she recalled her had not be present for the conversation that had just occurred in her head.

"We're not going to do this." She said motioning to his body and then hers. "I can't commit to someone who isn't single. We will not do anything of a sexual nature until you break up with Theresa."

She was proud of herself for being so firm with him. It would have been so easy to just fall in his arms and get lost in his kisses. But she wasn't going to fall for his charms so easily. He'd hurt her more than once and she wasn't going to give herself to him fully until he was done with Theresa completely.

"Rachel?" she heard Finn call out.

"Oh no." she said nervously.

"Go." Jesse encouraged her.

As she stepped out of the shadows and went to go join Finn, she realized Jesse hadn't given her an answer. Would he break up with Theresa? Or was he content in the fact that he would never have Rachel? Why hadn't she insisted on him clarifying before she walked away. It was mostly because she was afraid of getting caught by Finn but now she realized she would risk it to know the truth. Yet it seemed she and Jesse would have another speed bump on their road to true love.

"Did you find it?" Finn asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

She almost asked him what he was talking about but was glad she didn't. It would have blown her cover completely. He was asking if she'd found the Chrysler Building, which was what she had said she was going to look for. "Yes, it's right over there." She said pointing to it.

"Let's go have a look." Finn said slipping his arm around her waist.

"Finn, why did you come to see me?" she asked as he led her over to where she had pointed.

"I told you, to congratulate you." He shrugged.

"But the show's not for another month. You'll have to come back to see it. So why not just make one trip."

"I don't know, I saw your picture in the paper and realized I missed you." He said simply.

"What did you think was going to happen between us? Were you expecting us to get back together?" she finally asked the question she'd been wondering since the moment he'd arrived at her doorstep.

"I guess a part of me was hoping but I wasn't assuming anything before I got here."

She looked up at him, studying his face. He seemed sincere and she knew Finn did not have the acting skills of Jesse St. James. He was much less convincing when trying to lie to her so she figured he must have been telling the truth. So he had wanted to get back together with her, but it wasn't his only reason for coming. He truly was just a supportive friend even if he'd held out a hope for more.

"So that was Jesse's girlfriend." He said when she didn't answer him. She hadn't even realized their conversation had fallen into a long silence, she was so caught up in her thoughts.

"Yes." She nodded.

"She seems too good for him." Finn said, still behaving with hostility towards Jesse.

"I've only met her a few times but she seems nice." She sighed, knowing exactly why Jesse was having such a hard time ending things with her. And a part of her was starting to worry that he never would.


	10. Goodbye For Now

Jesse had spent the entire day in his favorite place, The Bethesda fountain in Central Park. He sat on the edge of the fountain and watched people walk by. The running water had a calming effect on him and helped him think. He had to be at rehearsal in three hours and he knew Rachel would be expecting an answer or for him to be single.

He'd dumped girls before and found it rather easy. Many of the girls he'd slept with in Vocal Adrenaline had been looking for a repeat performance and he'd turned them down. So why couldn't he just end things with Theresa? It was probably just because he'd never dated a girl for more than a few months. All of his other break ups had been nothing serious.

He needed advice but had no idea where to turn for some. It wasn't like he could ask Rachel what to do and he didn't want to disturb Shelby. He still kept in touch with some of his friends from Vocal Adrenaline but if he mentioned Rachel to them, they'd probably freak.

The only option he could really think of was Greg from the show. He at least had met both girls and might have something to offer in the way of counsel. Jesse pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found Greg's number.

"Dude, if this is about Kansas City, I promise I've been working on it." He started the moment he answered the phone.

"It's not about that." Jesse cut him off. "I need your help."

"Are you serious?" Greg asked shocked.

"Yes." He sighed with exasperation.

"Sure thing dude." He paused for a moment and Jesse wondered if Greg had hung up. "So should I meet you somewhere or what?"

"I'm at Central Park." Jesse informed him.

"Meet me at the Zoo." Greg requested. "Near the monkeys."

Jesse heard the line go dead and wondered what he'd gotten himself into. He knew Greg was a stoner, which was why Jesse was confused as to how he'd made it to Broadway. He had just come of his run as Gabe in Next To Normal, replacing Aaron Tveit. But Jesse felt that although Greg had a good voice, he lacked the discipline and integrity it took to really be a Broadway star. That's why Jesse had campaigned for John Gallagher Jr. to take the role as Will but unfortunately, John was busy playing Jamie in The Last 5 Years.

Jesse walked down to the Zoo, thinking the monkey's seemed an appropriate place to meet Greg. He couldn't believe he was about to ask a twenty-five year old that still smoked pot daily for relationship advice. At the very least it would be interesting.

Greg arrived a few minutes later, his red hair messy but not in a intentional way so he'd pulled a hat on to cover it. He had his hands in his pockets and he was hunched over as he made his way towards Jesse. The terrible posture bugged Jesse to no end, but since he was looking for a favor, he wasn't about to mention it.

"What's up Bro?" Greg asked and was instantly distracted by the monkeys.

"Look, I need advice." Jesse said irritated, hoping to garner a small amount of Greg's attention.

"Sure thing." He answered, his eyes still on the monkeys.

"I need to know what you think of Rachel?"

"Rachel?" Greg asked, considering it. "She's pretty cool. Kind of bossy but some dudes like that kind of thing. She's pretty hot, I mean, I'd do her. Why do you ask?"

"Do you think she's worth giving up a two year relationship?" he had no idea why he was even asking.

"I don't know, it would depend on the relationship. Are they happy or just stuck in their ways?"

"They're not UNhappy." Jesse said contemplating his relationship with Theresa.

"I guess man that it really comes down to which one you think about more. Which one can't you get out of your head even when you're with the person that makes you happy?"

Jesse stared at Greg, astounded that he could put something so succinctly. It seemed almost surreal, like he had stepped into a bizarre dream where people that took time out of their day to kill their brain cells made sense. He knew which one fit the description and could almost feel the light bulb turning on in his head.

"Thank you." Jesse said shaking Will's had in gratitude.

"No problem." Greg answered puzzled.

XXX

Jesse rushed home to get it over with as soon as possible. He'd finally made up his mind, he wanted to be with Rachel and it was such a relief. It felt like everything had finally fallen into place and the world was right again. He couldn't wait to hold her, to have her finally be his.

He stepped into the apartment and Sweeney rushed to his side. Jesse crouched down and petted him, feeling on top of the world. That was until he heard someone crying. _Fuck, _he curses under his breath. She must have found out about Rachel. But who would have told her? There was really only one logical conclusion and it made Jesse's blood boil. That ogre Finn Hudson just loved meddling in Jesse's life. Well, he would have to deal with Shrek later, first he had to talk to Theresa.

"What's wrong?" he asked sitting down next to her on the bed.

"I don't know how to say this." She said, her face soaked in tears. Jesse reached up and gently helped wipe them away.

"Just tell me." He said preparing for the worst.

"I'm pregnant." She said collapsing into a ball of tears. Throwing her arms around him, she sobbed into his neck and onto his shirt.

"Are you sure?" he asked feeling like the world was crumbling around him.

"I took three different tests. They all said positive." She said, her voice muffled from hiding on his neck.

"But how can you be pregnant?" he asked confused. "We haven't done it since…"

"It's from our anniversary, remember?" she reminded him, finally able to sit up.

"That was just a few days ago, how can you already know you're pregnant?" he asked suspicious, hoping this was all just a misunderstanding.

"I always get my period on the 23rd. It's the 26th. When I was late, I started to get worried so I took a pregnancy test, just as a precaution." She explained, having gained a least a little composure back.

"So, you're pregnant." He said attempting to process everything.

"I know it's really tacky to have a baby before you're married but I just think we're going to be great parents." She said hugging him.

"So you're definitely keeping it, then?" he asked, all optimism rapidly leaving his body that he would ever get to be with Rachel.

"Of course. Why, do you want me to get rid of it?" she asked angrily.

"No, I was just asking." He said feeling a helplessness rush over him. They were going to have a baby. In nine months he would be a father. And now he had no choice but to stay with Theresa. He couldn't abandon her now with a child on the way. She needed him more than ever. He would just have to forget his feelings for Rachel and concentrate on his baby.

"We're going to be fine." He said rubbing her back attempting to be consoling while internally he was freaking out. At least he knew he was good around kids, having spent a lot of time with Beth over the years. He just had never thought he'd be having one of his own so soon. What the fuck was he supposed to do now?

XXX

He walked into rehearsal later that day feeling like a zombie. Even the red bull he had chugged on the way over was having little effect. Theresa had cried on him for a long time and then begged him not to go. But he wasn't about to skip rehearsal so close to the show even for the mother of his child.

He'd been so worried about what to do with Theresa being pregnant, he had forgotten all about Rachel and the fact that she was expecting an answer. How was he supposed to tell her that he had gotten Theresa pregnant?

She walked over to him, smiling at him and he already felt awful for what he had to say to her. There was no hope for them now. She'd be crushed, he knew he was. All he'd wanted was to be with her and now it would never happen.

"Jesse, what's wrong?" she asked reading his expression, the smile leaving her face.

"Theresa's pregnant." He said wondering how many times he would have to say it before it felt real.

"What?" Rachel asked blinking at him in confusion.

"She just took the pregnancy test. She's having a baby." He said hating himself. Why did everything keep going to shit?

"Oh my God." She said covering her mouth with her hand. "So what does this mean?"

"It means I'm going to be a father." He answered.

"I meant for us."

"I can't leave her now. What am I going to do, make her raise the baby on her own?"

"But you're in love with me." She reasoned.

"It doesn't change anything. I'm not going to run away from my responsibilities like a coward." He said with conviction.

"Oh." She said looking like she'd just been slapped. "Well if that's how it has to be…"

"I'm sorry Rachel." He said earnestly.

"I know." She said turning to leave.

"I was going to break up with her." He called after her. It wasn't his smartest idea and would probably end up hurting them even more, but he needed her to know. "I went to the apartment to end things when she told me she was pregnant."

"What do you expect me to say, Jesse?" she asked turning to face him and crossing her arms over her chest.

"I just thought you should know." He shrugged. The pain was unbearable. "We were supposed to be together."

She ran over to him and gave him a hug. He buried his face in her hair and wished he could stay there forever. Why did she have to fit in his arms so perfectly?

"I love you." She whispered. "It'll always be you Jesse."

It took everything he had to keep it together. She pulled away and left in a hurry, not that he could blame her. As the raven-haired beauty he loved fled from his sight, he wished things could be different. If only…


	11. Pieces of Dreams

Rachel couldn't believe it. Her life seemed to be going in awful, redundant circles. This was the second time she couldn't be with the guy she liked because his perfect, blond girlfriend was pregnant. Why did this seem to keep happening to her? She just had to stop falling for guys with girlfriends and then things like this wouldn't happen.

She hadn't cried over it, which was surprising. This was the kind of thing she normally would bawl over. Maybe it was because she'd lived through it before or more likely it was because she knew her relationship with Jesse was a long shot from the start. Even before Theresa came into the picture there were complications. And just because she had been willing to overlook them to be with him wouldn't make them go away completely. And she knew from previous relationships that pretending problems weren't there would always come back to haunt you.

But she kept up a brave face in spite of everything, what else could she do? Finn had gone home, promising to return when the show opened. With him gone, Jesse off caring for his pregnant girlfriend and Gilda busy with her NYU student, Rachel felt very much alone. She spent most of her time inside her head, wishing things were different. That or she concentrated on the show and getting her part perfectly.

She spent every waking hour practicing lines or songs in her head. She would do the choreography across her tiny apartment, making sure each step was perfect before going onto the next. It wasn't like she had anything better to do and now that all her drama with Jesse was over, she could see things more clearly.

The show was the most important thing, it would make or break her career. She was foolish to put it all on the line for some boy. This was her breakout role and if she wasn't perfect, they would destroy her. Nothing was going to get in the way of her becoming a star.

She felt like Satine from Moulin Rouge, torn between fame and love. At least Rachel was fortunate enough not to be dying from some serious illness that would stomp out her star before it got a chance to shine. Nothing would distract her from reaching her goals.

XXX

Rachel was sitting in her dressing room having a mild panic attack. The show was about to start in less than an hour and she couldn't make herself calm down. She took deep breaths and practiced her vocal exercises but nothing seemed to help. Finn had texted her earlier that day saying a group of them were going to be in the audience. She was just thankful that with the bright stage lights it would be unlikely that she could see them.

She paced around her room, shaking her hands trying to get the nerves out. This was it, her moment to shine and she was too crazed to even think of going on stage. She couldn't remember her lines, she couldn't remember the dance steps she'd spent days practicing over and over. Even the words to Many A New Day were coming back spotty at best. What on Earth was she going to do?

"Fifteen minutes, Miss Berry." Ted, the stage manager called, opening her door and popping his head in.

"Thank you." She said humming a bit of Defying Gravity to herself trying to regain her confidence.

Ted left her and went on knocking on more people's doors. Her nerves went even more crazy when Jesse stepped through her open dressing room door. She turned away from him, embarrassed that she was getting stage fright. It had never happened to her before. It was probably just happening because tonight was so important.

She can see Jesse reflected in her mirror and tries her best not to stare. He's watching her as she sits down to touch up her make-up. She has begun to sweat from the anxiety of it all and she wonders if Jesse can tell. Why wasn't he saying something? What did he want?

"Can I help you?" she asked breaking the silence.

"I just came to wish you good luck." He said stepping further into the room and shutting the door behind him.

"Oh God Jesse, I'm a wreck." She said breaking down, unable to hold it in anymore.

"Rachel." He said striding towards her. He took her hand and made her stand. He stared at her for a moment and Rachel wondered if he was considering kissing her. Would she let him?

He cupped her face in his hands and for a moment they just looked at each other. His eyes had a calming effect and she knew the moment they met on stage she would feel infinitely better. "You're going to be fine." He informed her and for whatever reason, she believed him. "Better than that, you'll be great. Just forget about the audience and worry about being Laurey. That's all you need to concern yourself with. The people out there don't matter as long as you put on the best performance possible."

"What if I mess up?" she asked horrified of the very possibility of it.

"You won't." he insisted. She searched his eyes for some flicker of doubt but there was none. His confidence in her made her feel more self-assured.

"Thank you." She said feeling loads better. "I'm glad you came in here."

"Rachel…" he said his fingertips tracing her skin until his hands found hers. He grasped her tightly as though he was afraid to let her go.

"Maybe we should—"

He interrupted her with a kiss, making the rest of that though disappear entirely. She wanted to stop him but she didn't want to stop him. Her head felt cluttered with thoughts as she considered what a bad idea it was to be kissing him. He led her to one of the chairs, their lips still touching, and sat down before pulling her to his lap.

Since they were both in costume, it made it easier for Rachel to pretend they were two different people entirely. They were a girl and a guy in love, nothing more. Jesse and Rachel no longer existed, they have been replaced with two nameless people who were free to do whatever they wanted.

It was unreal how much she wanted to strip off her costume and then remove his. To finally be with him completely. But their costumes were the only thing keeping it from feeling real and the moment they were gone, it was no longer a fantasy. The two nameless people in love would be gone to reveal Rachel and Jesse. They couldn't be themselves unless they wanted their stolen moment to be over.

"Wait." She said as he reached for the zipper of her dress. "I can't, we can't do this."

"I know." He groaned covering his face with his hands.

"Theresa and the baby." She reminded him.

"I don't care." He said leaning in to kiss her again.

"Yes you do." She replied, putting her hand on his chest to stop him.

"I know." He sighed, doing his signature move of brushing her hair behind her ear and stroking her cheek with his thumb. "And I'm trying Rachel. I'm trying to be brave and do right by Theresa and my child but I just…can't. I'm doing the best I can to be strong but I feel so weak. I'm powerless against you."

He smiled at her and she did her best to stay levelheaded. "Jesse." She said looking at him affectionately. "I wish we had worked out but I don't think I could live with myself if you left your pregnant girlfriend because of me. As much as I want to be with you, I don't want to be that person. You have a responsibility towards Theresa and the baby she's carrying."

"But how can I love her now?" he asked, looking for guidance. "How can I feel anything towards the child except resentment because it kept me from you?"

"Theresa is going to have a baby." She said calmly, seeing things clearly for the first time in a long while. "And you are go to love them like you've never loved anything before in your life. Do you know why?"

"Why?" he asked miserable.

"Because he or she is going to be made up from parts of you. And you'll see it when they smile and sing their first song that they're yours, totally and completely. I guarantee you'll love them unconditionally and wholeheartedly."

Jesse closes his eyes and she imagines that he is trying to picture his child. She does the same and tries to picture the child he will eventually have with Theresa. But all she can picture is a little girl with dark, almost black curly hair, full red lips and a distinctive nose. Even being so young, the girl has a style and grace about her, like their own little Shirley Temple. She knows whose child she's picturing and despite her best efforts, she cannot get the child out of her mind.

"I need to finish getting ready." She said feeling uneasy. All of her fear was replaced with sadness of what could have been. She jumped up off his lap and stood as far away as possible.

"Ok." He said standing. He leaned down a kissed her forehead, his lips lingering longer than they needed to. She closed her eyes and savored the feeling, aware that moments like these would be over soon enough. "I'll see you out there."

She watched him leave and gave him a small wave before he closed the door behind him. Her dressing room felt empty now with just her inside it. How was it that Jesse was able to leave such a huge, gaping hole in her life? He'd been out of her life for six years and she never wanted that to happen again. She didn't want him to disappear for another six years but it wasn't like it was something she had any control over. In fact he might be gone for even longer, being too busy with his new family.

There was a knock on the door. "Five minutes." Ted called through the door.

She slipped into her character shoes, rubbed in her foundation to make sure it looked even and stared at herself in the mirror. "Hello Gorgeous." She said imitating Barbra in Funny Girl before turning on her heel and heading towards the stage. Any dreams she may have had for her and Jesse were gone now. It was time to make all her other dreams a reality.


	12. Everything Must Change

Jesse strode onto the stage, belting out "Oh What A Beautiful Morning" and felt a feeling of home flood over him. He'd never felt anything quite like the rush he got when performing on stage. He loved the fact that even though he couldn't see anyone's faces, he knew everyone's eyes were on him.

Or at least they were until the point where Rachel entered the stage, radiating beauty. He couldn't help but stare at her and stumbled on a line. She smiled at him and they shared a little not so private moment on stage before getting back on. After all her worries that she would mess up, he did so first.

By the time he was serenading her with "Surrey with the Fringe On Top" he knew they were make magic up on that stage. He couldn't imagine that this was actually his job and that for the foreseeable future, he would get to sing with her every night. Once the show closed, they would continue to take Broadway by storm.

Or not. Would the baby require so much of his time that he would have to take a break from the stage? Would this baby force him to put his career on hold until he or she went to school? He did put in long hours when rehearsing a show but the last thing he wanted was to give it up. Fuck, this baby was ruining his life.

He watched Rachel sing "Many A New Day" from the wings. She looked breathtaking as she danced around the stage with the other girls. When she joined him off stage, he pulled her into a congratulatory embrace. They weren't even to act two yet, but he knew they were in the middle of something special.

"Are you ready for the ballet?" he whispered.

"I think so." She said breathless. Her cheeks were red and she seemed so excited. He knew this was a big night for her and he was happy to be a part of it.

XXX

The cast finished the last notes of "Oklahoma" and Jesse started feeling the usual sense of accomplishment that came from doing a show. The cast rushes around the moment the curtain falls to get in their places for the curtain calls. Jesse stands near the back, knowing Rachel is standing in almost the exact same spot across the stage.

He moves up in the line as more and more people go out to bow. It's only the main characters that get to be recognized so it doesn't take long for the group to slim down. He sees Rachel walk to the center of the stage and bow. There's an ample amount of applause and he can tell from off-stage that she's beaming with pride.

The applause is deafening when he walks on stage. He honestly can't tell if he or Rachel got more. Even if she did, he's surprised to find he doesn't mind (he knows a lot of her friends are in the audience). He shares another smile with Rachel before they join hands for the final bow.

"You were perfect." He whispers into her ear, unsure if she can hear him over the massive amount of clapping and cheers from the audience. But from the way her smile widens, he knows she did.

XXX

He goes back to his dressing room and starts to undress. His costume is all sweaty from the performance but luckily it doesn't smell. He's pretty sure he spit on Rachel a few times during "People Will Say We're In Love" but she didn't seem to mind too much. They'd sung together enough times to know he was somewhat or a spitter. At least everything else that came out of his mouth was magic.

He can't help but be so proud of Rachel, especially since she had been so nervous before the show. She really had done an incredible job, lighting up the stage all on her own. The way they'd danced together in the ballet, the moment where he lifted her up and then she'd slowly slid down his body into a split had gotten him semi-hard. He could totally get off just from remembering the way her lips curled around the words as she sang.

He hated himself for thinking of her so subjectively. Rachel was so much more than someone for him to pleasure himself to. But at the same time he wished his dressing room door had a lock and that Theresa wasn't on her way to see him.

They had a little ritual after each opening night. He'd wait in the dressing room and she would come back stage to congratulate him, usually bringing flowers. That he wanted flowers but it was still a nice gesture. In fact that first time she'd brought them, he'd made a little joke and she'd been embarrassed. Now it was more like a little inside joke between them.

Sometimes they would have sex in his dressing room although sometimes he was forced to share them with other guys. In those cases they would rush home and do it there instead. But he wasn't exactly up for it tonight, especially not with Rachel so close. Maybe once they got home but he wasn't really interested in doing that either.

There was a knock on his door but he wasn't filled with the normal anticipation he usually felt from knowing Theresa was coming to see him. He knew it was in a large part because of Rachel. He couldn't stop think about how gorgeous she'd looked.

"Jesse?" Theresa called through the door. He slipped on his pants before opening the door.

"Hey." He said half-heartedly. He stepped out of the way so she could enter.

"Great job." She said meeting his enthusiasm. He looked at her funny, wondering why she seemed upset.

"What's wrong?" he asked walking over to her.

"I can't do this anymore." She said starting to cry. He honestly had no idea what she was talking about.

"Do what?" he asked looking for clarification.

"Us. I'm not going to sit idly by and be made a fool of." She said starting to raise her voice. He knew well enough that soon she'd be screaming.

"What are you talking about?" he asked getting frustrated, although in the back of his mind he was wondering if she knew about his indiscretions with Rachel.

"I know." She said confirming his suspicions. "You think I can't see it? I've known all these years that you were cheating on me."

"What?" he asked surprised and confounded. Years?

"I notice it instantly every time I sit in the audience and watch you with those girls. It's always so obvious you've been sleeping with them!" she shouted.

"I never slept with any of my co-stars." The closest he'd ever come was Rachel.

"Like hell." She said disbelieving. "Like you're not screwing Rachel. I've seen the way you look at her."

"I've never cheated on you." He said slowly, hoping she would get the idea. "Ok, maybe Rachel and I kissed. But I've never slept with her or anyone else while we were dating."

"You're such a liar." She said shaking her head.

"No, I'm just a good actor." He corrected. "Up until a few months ago, I was completely faithful to you."

"Stop lying to me!" she screamed, chucking the flowers she was holding at him.

"I'm not!" he cried out helplessly, trying to dodge the flowers being thrown his way.

"What about that Maureen girl? You used to go over to her house all the time." She said accusingly, a little calmer than before.

"We were always practicing the Mambo number!" he insisted. "Besides she was fucking the guy playing Mr. Applegate."

"It doesn't matter anyway." She said turning away from him.

"What's that supposed to me?" he asked, moving so he could see her face.

"I've been cheating on you." She said coming clean. He stood there, his jaw dropping in shock.

"For how long?" he asked cringing at the very idea of it.

"For about a year now." She said and he wondered if she was shortening it to make him feel better although it didn't. How had he never noticed?

"How could you do this to me?" he demanded, starting to feel outraged at her infidelity. A whole fucking year?

"I thought you were cheating on me."

"But I wasn't!" he said indignantly. If she thought he was cheating why didn't she confront him earlier? Why didn't she break up with him?

"That doesn't change the fact that the moment you start up a new show, you forget about me completely. It's like I don't exist anymore all that matters is your show."

"I told you when we met that being a star was the most important thing in the world to me."

"I know." She said wiping away a tear. "But you already are a star. You've achieved everything you wanted and I still don't come first. I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part, that the Great Jesse. St. James would chose a girl over his career."

He thought this over and realized she had a valid point. He'd never loved a girl enough to forgo all his dreams for her, not even Rachel. When it came down to it, he'd chosen wining and Vocal Adrenaline over her. He'd regretted the decision but hadn't done anything to fix it until now. He was lucky Rachel even spoke to him anymore. Would he choose Rachel over his dreams now?

"But what about the baby?" he asked glancing at her stomach.

"It's not yours." She said and relief washed over him. "I went to the doctor yesterday."

She had? Why hadn't she asked him to go with her? How had he not even known this was happening? Was he really so caught up in his own world? Not that it made much of a difference now. He wasn't the father.

"I'm two months pregnant. I don't think I need to remind you that we weren't having sex two months ago."

No, they weren't, he remembered quite clearly on his own. That was right around the time Rachel had popped back into his life. So while he had been off, wishing he could be with Rachel, Theresa was off with some other guy. It all seemed so needless and stupid. What a waste of time.

"I should get going." She said, interrupting his thoughts. He realized he hadn't said much through their entire exchange, which isn't like him. But with so much happening so quickly, he can't help but spend time swirling around in his head.

Theresa leans in a gives him a kiss on the cheek. "You were wonderful tonight, but I'm sure you know that already."

"Thank you." He can't think of anything else to say.

"I'll have my things out the apartment by tomorrow." She promised before heading out.

He stared at the door after it had already been closed. He was alone, single, free at last. He knew he should take some time to himself, to really get over the break up but he didn't want to. He wanted to run to Rachel's dressing room, scoop her into his arms and finally tell her she's can be his now.

_So why don't I? _He asked himself as he slipped his shirt and jacket on. He hurries to her dressing room and runs his fingers through his hair before knocking on the door.

He holds his breath, waiting for her to answer it. There's only one problem, she's not coming to the door. He calls out her name before turning the knob. The lights are off and she's gone. How did she get dressed so quickly?

He runs down the back steps towards the stage door and is met with throngs of fans. He surveys the crowd, looking for a glimpse of her. A few girls walk over and ask to take a picture with him. He absentmindedly agrees, posing with the three of them while the forth takes the picture. He smiles and chats them up for a minute, still looking for Rachel.

He finally spots her talking with a few of her Glee friends. He spots Finn and Mr. Shuester but he has a hard time remembering some of their names. There's the Asian chick, the gay kid, the black girl named after a car and the jerk with the Mohawk. Upon further inspection, he noticed the wheelchair kid was there too, just hidden among the crowd.

He wanted to go over to her, but he wasn't about the risk the wrath of New Directions. So instead he talked to some fans, said hello to some girl who couldn't make it via a video camera and took lots of pictures. He noticed some of the Glee clubbers glaring his way. If looks could kill…

Greg came over and Jesse gave him a "guy hug" with the clasping hands and patting each other on the back. "Great job on Kansas City." He said to Greg and he actually meant it.

"Thanks man." Greg replied, nodding. He must have blazed up right after the show.

A few people snapped pictures of them together and Jesse kept glancing in Rachel's direction, waiting for her to be alone. That or at least for the Glee kids to scatter. Finally he decided he didn't care, he had to talk to her before she left. If they weren't going to leave any time soon, he had no choice.

He tried his best to slip through the crowd unnoticed but a few people stopped him and asked for his autograph. He wrote his signature quickly and handed their pieces of paper back to them. He smiled graciously and tried to move on as quickly as possible.

When he got to Rachel, she was signing an autograph for a little girl around eleven or so. It made it so Jesse was stuck talking with the Glee club without her. They all continued to glare at him and he knew this had been a bad idea.

"Great job out there Jesse." Mr. Shuester said shaking his hand.

"Thank you." He smiled, grateful that Mr. Shuester was there. He seemed the most forgiving out of all of them.

"I prefer Hugh Jackman, but you weren't bad." The gay kid added looking very stuffy with his hands on his hips.

"I liked Aunt Eller." Mohawk guy chimed in.

"What?" Ferrari or something asked looking at him funny.

"Whatever man, she was badass. Did you see her shoot that gun off into the air? Total BAMF."

"You were great." Finn told Rachel, who had rejoined their conversation.

"Thanks!" she said grinning from ear to ear with pride. She glanced at Jesse and he couldn't do anything but smile back. He quickly winked at her and checked to see if any of the others had noticed.

"Well, I'm sure you all have a lot to catch up on." He said excusing himself. The conversation had died and he could feel the tension in the air. There would be plenty of time to talk to Rachel later.

"I'll be right back." He heard her say to her friends. He started walking slower to give her a chance to catch up to him.

"Jesse." She called after him, running to get to him. "Where are you going?"

"Home, I guess." He shrugged. "I might stop to eat first. I didn't realize until now that I'm starving."

"I heard yelling in your dressing room after the show." She said trying to ask something without actually saying the words.

"Theresa and I broke up." He shrugged on shoulder uninterestedly. "Apparently she's been cheating on me for awhile because she thought I was cheating on her."

"That's terrible." She said sympathetically.

"It's fine."

"How is that fine?" she asked shaking her head baffled by how indifferent he seemed.

"Because now I can do this." He said bending down to kiss her. When he pulled away, she bit her lip, trying not to smile.

"I could come with you…" she offered.

"No." he shook his head putting his hand on her shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. "Stay and talk to your friends. They came all the way from Ohio to see you."

"But I would rather be with you." She said, her bottom lip jutting out in a pout.

He laughed and pulled her into an embrace. "Come over when they leave." He whispered.

"I will." She promised before he pulled away. He watched her skip back to her friends, who had been watching their exchange, and couldn't help smiling to himself. As soon as her friends left, they could be together. He felt dizzy with joy as he flagged down a cab and climbed inside. In a few hours, Rachel would be in his arms and he was pretty sure he was never going to let her go.


	13. Lost Inside Of You

Rachel was sitting at a table, surrounded by her old High School friends. It was bizarre to be with them but still nice. She was thankful to have the chance to catch up with each of them. This felt familiar and she was glad to have them there. She kind of wished Gilda could be there to meet all the people she had mentioned.

It felt like a little Glee Club reunion and she was flattered that they had all come to see her. She had been expecting Finn and maybe Tina (who by senior year was her closest friend) but she was honestly surprised to see everyone else. Especially Noah since she knew musical theater wasn't really his thing.

They were halfway through the meal when Mercedes and Tina pulled Rachel to the girl's bathroom to talk. "Girl, what are you thinking?" Mercedes demanded once they were in the sanctuary of the ladies room.

"How could you be with him after what he did?" Tina asked sounding concerned.

"I don't know, things are different now." Rachel answered trying to explain it correctly. "He's different."

"You two did look good up there together." Tina agreed.

"But he betrayed you. He was a complete jerk to you." Mercedes reminded her.

"I feel obligated to remind you that we're not longer in High School. Jesse apologized for the way he acted back then and I forgave him. I don't hold grudges because honestly not that many people were nice to me in High School. If I never forgave anybody, I wouldn't be friends with Noah who used to throw slushies in my face and Finn and I would have been through the first time he broke my heart. So why is it fine that I show them forgiveness but I can't extend the same courtesy?"

The two other girls exchanged glances, unsure what to say. Rachel crossed her arms over her chest, waiting. She wasn't going to stick around if everyone was just going to harp on her relationship with Jesse.

"Were just trying to look out for you." Tina finally spoke up.

Rachel opened her mouth to respond when the bathroom door opened and Kurt walked in. "What's going on in here?"

"Kurt, this is the girl's room." She said stating the obvious.

"And?" he asked in a so what kind of way.

"We're discussing the weirdness that is Rachel and Jesse." Mercedes filled him in.

"Ah." He nodded. "Although I must say he was a lot hotter than I remembered. I mean did you see his arms during those lifts? So good for you Rachel."

"Can we focus please?" Rachel interrupted unable to hide her irritation. "Jesse cares about me and that's what matters. Sure our road to romance hasn't been smooth but it's going to be worth it."

"How do you know he's not going to hurt you again?" Tina questioned.

What could Rachel say to convince them? That Jesse loved her and promised he would never hurt her? It would sound stupid and juvenile to anyone who wasn't present for those conversations. But why did she owe them an explanation?

"Hey, the foods here." Noah called through the bathroom door, pounding his fist against it a few times.

They all looked at Rachel and she strode over to the door and flung it open. She was so busy storming out, she almost knocked into Noah. "Whoa." He said grabbing her by the arms to steady her.

"Sorry Noah." She said blushing from embarrassment.

"No problem." He shrugged. "So you're with that Jesse kid again?"

"Not officially."

"That's cool, I guess." He said indifferently.

"It's good to see you, Noah." She said giving him a hug. "Thank you for coming."

"Finn mentioned you were hanging out with Jesse and asked me to come along in case something was going down." He said punching his fist into his palm.

"What?" she dropped her jaw in horror, glancing at Finn who was talking to Mr. Shue.

"I'm kidding." Puck said smirking. "I remembered how good you used to be and wanted to hear you sing again. You never keep in touch any more Berry."

"I'm sorry. College was pretty vigorous and then I was busy trying to get into show business. It made if difficult to keep up with everyone."

"The food's getting cold." Finn called from the table. The rest of them rejoined the table and sat down to eat.

The rest of the night was filled with nostalgia and fun. The group talked and laughed, spilling what they'd been up to since High School. Rachel was proud that she was winning most successful out of all of them. Mr. Shue was still teaching and had married Ms. Pillsbury the guidance counselor. Emma couldn't come because she had a group therapy camping trip. He said the Glee club now was nowhere near as good as it had been when they were in it.

Puck was currently working as a construction worker making good pay. It was hard in the winter though because sometimes he would get laid off until the summer. Tina and Artie were engaged, planning on getting married in October. (Tina insisted Rachel was invited to the wedding, that they were just really behind on planning and hadn't sent out invitations yet) Artie owned his own music store and taught guitar lessons and Tina was working at a salon.

Mercedes was interning at Columbia records, hoping to be a music producer some day. Kurt had gotten his degree in interior design and was working for a company in Chicago. And Finn had taken over coaching the McKinley High football team after coach Tanaka suffered a stroke (He'd lived through it). Everyone seemed really happy and Rachel was glad for them that so many people had made something of their lives.

As the meal wined down, Rachel started to get butterflies in her stomach, remembering that she had plans with Jesse. She'd never been to his apartment before but she had a feeling it was nice. After thinking of it, it was all she could concentrate on. She was wishing the meal would be over already so she could rush to be with him.

Reading her mind, Mr. Shue stood. "We should get going, we have a long drive back to Ohio."

Rachel stood as well and hugged each of them, thanking them for coming. "Take care of yourself." Mercedes said as they hugged and Rachel knew she meant it in more than just the broad, general sense.

"I will." She assured her friend.

The moment she was done waving goodbye to them, she hailed a cab and climbed inside. She told the driver the address and then sunk into the back seat, realizing how exhausted she was. If she wasn't so excited to be meeting Jesse, she would go home and sleep for a very long time.

Her heart was racing as she slipped out of the cab onto the sidewalk in front of his apartment. He lived in one of those fancy places with the doorman and everything. She walked to the elevator and pressed 7. Her stomach was doing flips as she imagined what would happen once she reached his apartment.

She stood in front of apartment 708, wondering if she should go through with it. She had no doubt that if she went in, they would sleep together. Was she ready for that? Not that she was a virgin but she knew she wanted it to be something more, something special. But what would be more romantic than having sex for the first time after their opening night together? She couldn't think of anything so she got up the courage to knock.

He was at the door in an instant and she felt her body get warmer just from the sight of him. He grabbed her arm and pulled her inside, covering her mouth with his. "What took you so long?" he asked before kissing her again.

"I didn't want to be rude." She said smiling as he led her deeper into his apartment.

She wanted to have a chance to look around but there was no way she was going to interrupt what was happening for a quick tour. It was too dark to see much of anything anyway. He must have organized the lighting while he waited. There were a few candles scattered around the apartment but other than that the lights were off.

He gently pushed her against some unknown wall and slid his lips down to her neck. She ran her fingers through his hair, feeling overwhelmed but in a good way. Reaching up and placing her arms around his neck, she wrapped her legs around him and let his hold her.

They spun around, kissing through the apartment before finally tumbling into bed. She rolled on top of him and sat so she was straddling him. She liked the intense way he stared at her as she removed her top. Bending down to kiss him again, her hair fell to the side. He ran his fingers through it, grabbing a handful of it roughly, he pulled her towards him to deepen the kiss.

They flipped over so he was on top and her fingernails lightly traced his body as her hands went under his shirt and lifted it over his head, his curls falling back into place as she threw the shirt to the floor. She quickly sat up and removed her bra, tossing it into the dark with their other clothes, knowing the pile would continue to grow until there was nothing left to take off.

He lips explored down her body as his fingers found the button on her jeans. He skillfully undid them, tugging them off her. As she lied there in just her panties, his lips found hers again, the heat radiating off their bodies as their naked torsos touched.

He knelt on the bed and she inched closer to him, her hands searching for him. She undid his belt and pants before pulling them down. He swung his legs around and kicked them off. Standing next to the bed, he slid off his boxers and let them join the pile.

Smiling, she lied back down and with him staring at her intently, she removed her panties. He joined her on the bed and they knelt together facing each other. They just watched each other for a moment, taking each other in. There were no more costumes, no more facades, there was just Rachel and Jesse, finally free to be themselves.

"You have no idea how badly and how long I've wanted this." He said admiring her naked body. "How long I've wanted you."

"Me too." she said unable to help but grin at him. She could tell by the way he looked at her that he thought she was beautiful. She liked him looking at her that way and she liked how it made her feel.

Neither of them said "I love you" but they didn't have to. They'd both said it before and they both felt it now. But there would be plenty of time to express that later. That night was just about being together, about needing and wanting each other in a way they hadn't with other people. Nothing they'd experienced had ever been like this. This was their moment, simple, beautiful and sweet.

As their bodies and lips met, she felt an electric shock was running through her veins. From the way he kissed her and held her to him, she knew it was going to be an unforgettable night.


	14. You and Me For Always

[LAST CHAPTER! Thank You So Much to Everyone Who Read/Reviewed it! This was my first Fanfic ever and I'm very proud of it! But I just loved St. Berry so much and hated the way their story ended. So I decided to write them a happier ending. I'm glad everyone seemed to like it and I'm sure I'll write more St. Berry in the future but next I'm going to take a stab at writing St. Fabray because I watched a video on youtube (.com/watch?v=Bf_ewdRkFCg&feature=related) and can't get them out of my head *please don't hurt me any St. Berry shippers*. But once I'm finished with that, I'll go back to my main ship, St. Berry because I love writing them! Thanks again and I love you all for taking time to read my fic!]

Eighteen Months Later

Jesse woke with his arm around the girl of his dreams. Rachel's long dark hair was all he could see but he didn't mind. He knew she was there, sleeping and that she was his. She'd been his for two years now.

He rolled onto his back and looked up at the gold stars she had put up. He was so used to seeing them there, he couldn't remember what it looked like without them. It was the same with her, he had a hard time recalling what his life had been like without her.

Slipping out of bed, he put on boxers and a t-shirt and went to make her some breakfast. Tonight was going to be a big night for her and he wanted to celebrate properly. He started making French toast with strawberries, her favorite while quietly humming to himself.

"Hi." She said appearing from around the corner. "Good morning."

"Morning." He said abandoning the toast to go wrap his arms around her. "Tonight's the night."

"I know." She said smiling at him.

"Are you nervous?" he asked

"No." she shook her head. "It doesn't matter if I win."

He chuckled before giving her a small kiss. "Now there's something I never thought I'd hear Rachel Berry say."

"It doesn't matter because I'm sure there will be other chances." She said confidently.

"That's my girl." He said kissing her forehead proudly.

He went back to making the French toast while Rachel got started on cutting up the strawberries. She hummed while she cut and he smiled to himself, recognizing the song instantly. Once she had finished the intro, she began to sing.

"_Kiss me too fiercely, Hold me too tight, I need help believing, You're with me tonight."_

He waited for his turn, once she'd finished her verse, he began singing Fiyero's part. She glanced in his direction and watched him sing. This was one of their favorite duets to sing together along with Not While I'm Around, You Don't Bring Me Flowers, All I know Of Love, You are My Home and A Little Fall of Rain.

When they'd finished singing to each other, he reached over and laced his fingers through hers. He brought their joined hands to his face and pressed his lips against the back of her hand. His eye was drawn to the diamond engagement ring on her finger, the symbol that she was indeed his or would be soon.

"What should we do today before we have to leave?"

"I think I need Barbra." She answered.

"Musical, comedy or drama?" he asked leaving the decision completely up to her.

"Comedy." She said after thinking it over.

"Good." He said approvingly. They would have their fill of the other two that night. He was certain she needed some lightheartedness before the stress filled evening they had ahead of them.

Once breakfast was ready, they carried their French toast covered plates into the living room. She sat down on the couch while he popped "What's Up Doc?" into the DVD player. He settled into the couch and she placed herself so she was leaning against him between his legs with her head on his chest. He kissed her cheek and began gently stroking her hair as the opening credits began and Barbra started singing "You're the Top."

XXX

Jesse was ready to go while Rachel was still in the bathroom getting ready. He was pacing impatiently wondering what was taking her so long. HE had taken a long time getting ready, he wouldn't imagine what she was doing. The mix of anxiety and nerves, just because she wasn't nervous didn't mean he couldn't be for her, was making him antsy.

"Rachel, we're going to miss the red carpet." He said through the bathroom door.

"I'm almost ready." She called back and he rolled his eyes. She had been saying that for half an hour.

He went to the TV and made sure the DVR would be recording the event. He knew Rachel would want to watch it later and critique her performance. He couldn't wait to see her perform "Don't Cry For Me Argentina." As much as he liked performing, he loved watching her just a little bit more. Although nothing could compare to them together.

They had finished their run with Oklahoma, Jesse was surprised when he was nominated for a TONY. He'd lost to Raúl Esparza but he had been expecting that. Rachel then went on to star in Evita pretty soon after and now she had been nominated for Best Actress. He was going to enjoy just sitting and watching. Last year they had been so worried with performing and then waiting to see if he won. This time he could relax and just be a supportive hand for her to hold.

He had just started rehearsals for a musical version of The Princess Bride and he would be playing Indigo Montoya with Aaron Tveit as Westley, Gavin Creel as Prince Humperdinck, Mary Farber as Buttercup and Brian d'Arcy James as Fezzik. He wasn't thrilled with not getting the lead but he was honored to play a part originated by Mandy Patinkin.

"Ok." Rachel said stepping from the bathroom. She was wearing a long, deep purple dress with her hair pinned up into a bun. He rushed over to her and took both her hands in his.

"You look beautiful." He said admiring her.

"Thank you." She said blushing.

"Let's go." He said slipping his arm around her and leading her towards the door before she had time to make them later than they already were. As they rode down the elevator, he softly sang "The way you look tonight" while they wrapped their arms around each other and slow danced until they reached the bottom floor. She laughed as he dipped her and finished the song by kissing her.

XXX

They sat in the car near the event. He could see all the flashing lights from the cameras and he could see the crowds of people heading towards the red carpet. He reached for the door handle but Rachel stopped him.

"What is it?" he asked confused.

"I was just wondering…" she bit her lip, the way he knew she did when she wasn't sure if she should say something. She'd gotten better at holding her tongue as she'd gotten older. "Does my m—, Shelby, know about tonight?"

"Rach." He said putting his hands on either side of her face. "Yes, I told her about you being nominated and she promised her and Beth would watch. But you've got to get over this whole Shelby thing. I've told you a million times that we can go over to her house whenever you want. You should get to know her and Beth. You might find there's a place for each other in your lives."

"She made it clear that she wants nothing to do with me." She said doing her best to stay strong.

"Shelby is like my family. You say the word and we'll go visit her. The moment you feel unwanted we'll leave. But why are we talking about this now? We have an awards show to get to."

"Thank you." She said giving him a quick kiss.

"For what?"

"For being here and being you." She smiled at him and it made his heart flutter. Almost two years into their relationship and she could still make his heart race.

"I wouldn't miss it." He said giving her hand a squeeze. "Are you ready?"

She nodded and he opened the door. They were instantly engulfed in the bright lights of Broadway. He clasped his arms around her waist and together they made their way down the red carpet.

XXX

That night, after watching her performance a few times while she scrunched her nose disapprovingly, they lied in bed, her gold statue in her arms. He watched her sleeping gently, a smile playing on her lips as she hugged her TONY. Reaching over, he brushed her hair away from her face so he could get a better look. The feel of his touch made her smile widen in her sleep.

When he knew for sure that she was definitely out, he and Sweeney went back into the livingroom and he watched her performance yet again. She was gorgeous and compelling and he knew she was singing her heart out. At the end of the song, she smiled at him and the camera had closed in on him. He was embarrassed that he had actually cried a little, having been so moved by her performance but luckily you could hardly tell on the TV.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked walking into the room wrapped in the sheet from their bed.

"I thought you were sleeping."

"I rolled over in my sleep and felt you weren't there. It woke me up." She said dropping into his lap.

"I'm sorry." He said pressing his lips to her temple. He noticed she was still holding her TONY. "Are you ever going to put that thing down?"

"Probably not." She said laughing.

He shook his head and held her closer. "Do you want to go back to bed?"

"I'm fine here." she said snuggling up against him.

"Ok." He said flipping the channel to Turner Classic Movies. It Happened One Night was on and he was struck by how similar it was to their story, or at least the beginning of their story. Guy uses girl for ulterior motives and she's angered when she finds out. But the guy has fallen in love with her despite trying his best not to. There was even the other guy she was supposed to be with waiting for her but who she knew was all wrong for her.

He looked at Rachel to see if she noticed the resemblance but she was back asleep. He finished watching the movie, turning down the volume so as not to disturb her again. When it had finished, he lifted her up and carried her back to bed.

The moment they were both lying down, she rolled over so her head was on his chest. He couldn't help wondering if she could hear his heart beating. The way she made him feel was almost surreal. He never thought he could be so happy, especially not with Rachel. He figured they had missed their shot once he never got a chance to explain after Regionals. But now he knew it was never too late for a second chance.

It had been a long night and he was surprised to find he wasn't even jealous of Rachel's success. He would get a gold statue of his own some day. Until then, he was contented to just lie there with his raven headed Goddess in his arms. And as he drifted off to sleep, the last thing he saw was the girl he loved resting in his embrace and the gold stars covering the ceiling, like a reflection of themselves and how brightly they were born to shine.


End file.
